My Cultural Life - The Dog Days

What's Been Up?

There's an elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about in the places where things should be talked about... The cost of living crisis versus corporations. Every country in the world is knee deep in a cost of living crisis; no one is immune to rampant inflation and costs spiralling out of control. Opposition parties are complaining that governments aren't doing enough without ever saying what they would do and right wing governments - such as Donald Trump's - talk about escalating prices like they're something people simply have to accept.

The thing is all the corporations; all the big businesses; all the rich people are still making obscene profits; they're still paying their shareholders and directors ridiculous bonuses while socially conditioning us to believe there's nothing they can do about it. Wars, fuel costs and people not doing enough are wheeled out almost on a daily basis, but there's not a single journalist asking why all the richest businesses on the planet are getting richer, every month.

We appear to have been conditioned to accept that costs will go up and that businesses will make more money and no one equates the two with a simple question of 'how is this happening and why hasn't someone noticed it'? Everything is increasing in price and people moan at governments for doing too little, but no one says, 'How come Tesco made a record profit this year?' No one asks how come the richest people in the world are substantially richer than they were a year ago. No one asks why prices are going up and profits are going up as well?

Surely it's time for people to say NO to corporations registering massive profits while more and more are being forced into fuel and food poverty. How does that happen without scrutiny? How does that happen, yet the onus and blame is heaped on governments and people when it's clearly not their fault. Oil companies' profits went through the roof over the last 12 months and the price of fuel has also gone through the roof - big business isn't feeling the pinch, big business is using this 'crisis' to increase their wealth. No one asks why BP increased its profits by 35% when surely because of wars they should be making less? The cost of diesel at the pumps is over £2 a litre; there might be less oil about, but the people who own it are screwing us and no one is asking how or why.

No government is going to be able to solve the problems in their countries if there isn't any money and the sad thing is there is plenty of money, it's just being hoarded by owners, directors and shareholders, while average people are being driven into a standard of living not seen since Victorian times. We need to stop these greedy parasites from strip mining assets which they then don't use to help anyone and nothing is being done to stop it.

Glacial Equines

The first thing that struck me when the new season of Slow Horses dropped was how quickly the Guardian dropped it. For five series, the shit newspaper claimed this show to be the best thing since a multiple orgasm, but suddenly the knives were out for it. Was it because the execrable Lenny Rush had somehow been managed to be shoehorned into it? Maybe. After all, you either love or detest the disabled teenager with as much range as a house brick and he offers nothing to anything. In fact, I can't quite work out why he's in this, apart from giving Jackson Lamb the opportunity to be non-PC. However, while Rush's presence isn't a positive, this is classic Slow Horses with the return of many old faces as many of Lamb's old team members suddenly turn up dead and a bunch of coincidences might not be that coincidental.

This is a darker and bleaker series, with a noticeable drop in humour and a decidedly serious Gary Oldman almost seeming to be relying on Jack Lowden's River - is this a tide change? As usual, what you think is happening is probably far from the truth, but by the time you get to the final instalment you will wondering how Diana Taverner is going to keep her job, because she's been very naughty indeed. Oh and the shock cliffhanger ending will have you biting your nails until season seven...

So Long, Ted

The latest series of Whitehouse & Mortimer: Gone Fishing has started and it kicked off with a farewell to faithful hound Ted, who died earlier this year. It was a tribute of sorts, but the overriding feeling I had was this show really needs to call it a day. Yes, it's nice to look at, the humour is funny and it's a bit like an old pair of comfy slippers, but it's also grown hairs on and gone bald...

The Iron Spider

I'm not sure I've seen a Spider-Man movie I've really enjoyed and Spider-Man Homecoming is no exception; in fact, I didn't like it, I felt it shoehorned Spidey into the MCU, didn't do Tony Stark any favours and wasn't really a Spider-Man film at all, more like an Iron Man Jr movie. I appreciate there was no appetite for a new reboot and it didn't need more than a fleeting reference to Parker's origin, but I found it trite and frivolous rather than an important addition to the MCU or even Sony's piss poor offerings. Tom Holland is okay as Spidey; Zendaya's MJ is also okay and Jacob Battalan's Ned is just annoying. I've seen this three times now and I simply can't get with the program... 6/10

The End of Days

Ridley Scott's The Dog Stars is a strange thing. It's almost glacial in its pacing, very little happens and yet it's quite compelling given the almost two hour run time. Jacob Elordi plays Hig, a former mechanic turned pilot, surviving in a post-apocalyptic world devastated by a flu virus. He lives with Josh Brolin, a grizzled survivalist with little or no optimism about the future, whereas Hig still believes there is a world left that needs finding. There's a section about two thirds of the way through the film where you wonder what the fuck you've wandered into, but in general it's just a survival story with some decent people and some Mad Max type loonies. The thing is it's actually really quite enjoyable - a kind of post-modern post-apocalyptic movie, one where realism is more important than shocks - that is until the realism becomes a little surreal. I will make one extra point though - Hig's dog - Jasper - is referred to as a he throughout the film, but is clearly a girl dog, why they just didn't call her 'Jess' felt like lazy filmmaking. 7/10

Murray's Mount

There's been a lot of negative vibes about A Course Called Ireland and Bill Murray's apparent attitude problems, but the opening episode was simply a lot of fun. This isn't a golf show, nor is it a celeb travelogue, it's more about Ireland and some people who are there and are playing a bit of golf. Murray is no longer the comic genius we all once remembered him to be, but this is more about the strangeness and charm of Ireland than anything else. The BBC seems to be quite attracted to RTE shows at the moment; perhaps they're cheap TV and the corporation is trying to save money, but it's still entertaining and I think its critics simply haven't got the joke.

Please End Soon!

I thought VisionQuest was a six-part series, so imagine my disappointment when it turns out to be an eight-part series. I'm struggling with this; halfway through what I thought was the final episode I was praying for a swift ending. It's not that it's bad, it's just not very good, it's very technical in a dumbed down way and I'm not sure I understand any of it, really (but that might just be me being awkward and pissy). Stuff might have happened; things might have been said; AIs might have AI'd. There's a third Daredevil season due next year; let's hope that is the last MCU TV show ever...

The Third Wick

It's getting a bit boring now. I mean, no one has opted to try and make these films mildly interesting, have they? John Wick Chapter 3 Parabellum is just over two hours of relentless gun fights and violent ballet. The story - what little there is - follows John trying to stay alive while taking the fight back to the High Council of Assassins. Honestly, why is he even bothering and why are the people trying to kill him? There's a sequence where John opts to rejoin the assassins and then he promptly drops that once he's back in New York. It's just tiresome now and I sincerely hope the - almost three hours of - Chapter 4 has something that makes it more than just lots of dull shoot outs. 5/10

What the Actual...

And the best way to end what has been a 'limited' week's viewing is with something that defies comprehension... The following film has a 5.2 rating on IMDB and I have to ask how it got so high? Monster Hunter is an absolute pile of incomprehensible nonsense which felt like it borrowed elements of a number of films based on a description from a blind goat. Milla Jovovich outdoes herself in a movie that presumably believed it was so good there was going to be a franchise based around it. It's about an army captain and some inter-dimensional dudes fighting monsters with a vague (and I mean super vague) subplot based around a place that might be glitching into our universe. It made no sense; it has no real story; it has characters that feel like they've been borrowed from a anime adventure and it was possibly one of the worst things I have ever witnessed. I'm sure better things have fallen out of my own arse. 2/10

What's Up Next?

There's a new series of Dexter: Resurrection which we might watch weekly or might wait until we have a bunch. VisionQuest hopefully ends and to fill in the blanks, we've been watching Eva Longoria Searching for Mexico, which we have almost finished and deserves a special mention because Eva laughs like a dirty old woman. It's a companion to Stanley Tucci Searching for Italy and apart from the huge quantities of meat that are consumed, it has been fun to watch. There are two more series - Spain and France and I expect these will fill in the extra voids.

I've had a week, since the last blog, of recuperating. The influenza which really fucked me up has gone, but the post-virus fatigue (which is a real thing and quite common for people with chronic illnesses) has pretty much left me feeling like I still have the flu. However, as I type this (Friday night of the penultimate day of October), I'm thinking I might begin to return to some kind of normality next week.

Hopefully, that week ahead will have a better percentage of good, because with a few exceptions, this last week has felt tired, old and crap - a bit like me, but less good looking...

My Cultural Life - Beginnings and Endings

What's Been Up?

I've been really quite ill most of the last two weeks. Got absolutely knocked for six by a nasty influenza virus which has fucked me up since the start of the last week. I've felt so rough I didn't watch anything but shite daytime TV all of the previous week and we've had a guest so a couple of evenings have been conversation-led with some radio. 

I still manage to waffle on though...

Disclaimer

Oh, by the way, for TV shows that are ongoing I try to avoid any spoilers; for old TV shows that we're finally watching, there might be spoilers, but, hey, the review is of an old show so... For movies, if it's a new film then I will avoid spoilers; if the film is over two years old then not so much.

Just My Imagin-AI-tion

It looks fantastic; it has excellent actors in it; but it's one of the most tonally wrong shows the Disney/MCU has ever released and that's a shame, because if it had swapped out some of the unnecessary Vaudevillian humour for some genuine thoughts on AI it might have felt like a really good and relevant TV show rather than something that isn't really part of a 'trilogy' that has been shoehorned into this reality. VisionQuest should be so much better, but four episodes into this, only, MCU TV show of the year and I can see why the chances of the MCU TV Universe being abandoned are very great. The biggest problem I have is that after four episodes, I don't know why this even exists... James Spader is excellent though.

Yet, How It All Began...

Every fibre of VisionQuest was born in Iron Man. There isn't really anything in the TV series that wasn't introduced in some way by the Marvel Cinematic Universe's almost unbeatable debut feature - watched again, because I wanted to. When you look at this 2008 movie and then compare it to some of the shit that gets pumped out from the Mouse House now, you have to wonder where it all went wrong. What a cracking movie this is, even if it wasn't a superhero film it would blow people away. Oh and how this universe has 'developed' from this humble but totally awesome beginning. It's one of the MCU's top five; it never ages. 9/10

Like a Wick Man

We had a guest; we figured he might like to watch Nobody and 20 minutes into it, he asked, "Have you guys seen any of the John Wick films?" We haven't, why? "This is a John Wick film with different characters. You should watch the John Wick films." We will, but, this Bob Odenkirk one-man-army film is great fun, if a little fluffy around the edges. Quiet, unassuming husband with a dark and secret past finally cracks after years of inactivity leading to him taking on the Russian mob and kicking their arses. At least, that's how I saw it, both times I watched it, until I saw a John Wick film... 7/10

Ideal Homes

I had a existential moment while watching Don't Worry Darling, and that was down to the fact that I realised I had to write a review of it and while I was quite enjoying it, I wasn't inspired by it. I took the piss out of Harry Styles not being a very good actor and was impressed by Florence Pugh's range. I worked out how many people in the film had also been in a MCU movie. I also wondered if The Eternals would ever see a sequel and very much doubted it - as two of the stars of this appeared in that. In the end I concluded that this was a modern updating of The Stepford Wives but with a nostalgic twist. Obviously there was an element of distastefulness about it, as you'd imagine. I simply didn't enjoy it and found it slightly annoying. 5/10

Last Monday Blues

We started by watching Open Range, a 2003 western from Kevin Costner. We gave up on it after an hour because it was really fucking glacial. We moved onto the third episode of Simon Reeve Wilderness, which this week was in the Yukon and was even more dull than the previous episode. Only Connect was a highlight and we finished off our anticlimactically meh evening with a new episode of Pointless, which had so many stupid people on it I now believe this is a dumbed down entertainment show rather than a quiz show. Mondays used to have some interesting stuff to watch, not any more... 

Zealots & Fanatics

It is difficult to believe that The Name of the Rose is 40 years old and if you take out the very 1980s electronic music in the outro it holds up remarkably well. It looks good, the story is compelling and it's full of ugly grotesqueries. Sean Connery plays William of Baskerville in this Umberto Eco adaptation, with a very young Christian Slater as his young apprentice, Adso of Melik. Baskerville arrives at a remote monastery to debate whether Christ owned his own clothes with other religions at the behest of Pope John. This is the backdrop to a murder mystery with many twists and turns involving comedy, lust and stealth poisonings. It's an absolute classic film. 8/10  

And the Point Was?

The Guest is a Dan Stevens vehicle, and it's also the first Dan Stevens film we've seen that we could have dodged. He plays an ex-army 'person' who, for some unknown reason, visits the family of a dead serviceman posing as his friend. Why is never delved into, but 'David' is a one man army kind of guy and the US army are as worried as shit about him. As he offs various people and gets all sinister and weird on people, all I could wonder was what purpose this movie had and by the end, which leaves it open for a sequel that never happened, I wished I'd watched something else... 4/10

Buffeting 

The Plane feels like it should have been much worse, yet it whizzed along and ended up being sort of reasonable. Gerard Butler plays an airline pilot who crash lands his NYE plane onto an island full of really bad men. It's his job to get his passengers to safety and we're in one man army territory again, except he has some help - Mike Colter - and a team of special forces hard men. To be honest, I shouldn't have given it house room, but it was fun in a 'I'm ill and will watch anything' kind of way. 6/10

Enigmas

The Imitation Game is a film I'd never watched, but given the amount of time I've had to kill while being ill... It's a cracking biopic with Buffalo Custardbath as Alan Turing - on the spectrum and very gay - as the main person charged with solving the Enigma code and giving the UK and allies a fighting chance of winning WW2. Keira Knightly is great as his beard, Matthew Goode is underused as Turing's #2 and it is an achievement to make such a compelling movie about a bunch of mathematicians in a room at Bletchley Park. 8/10

Choose Not Bothering

Neither of us had ventured into the sequel waters of T2 Trainspotting, it might be because the original didn't resonate with us like it did others... However, nearly 10 years since its release and rapidly running out of things to watch, we gave it a try and it isn't a patch on the original; in fact it feels like a kind of TV spin-off. There wasn't really anything about this that made you want to care. 5/10

The Wick-er Man

Have you ever seen Nobody? It's essentially John Wick but with better actors. I totally understand why I've never watched any John Wick films, but now I've seen one I know I'm going to end up watching them all... I suppose these are the ultimate one-man army features, as John Wick or Baba Yaga - the Bogeyman - is someone you don't fuck with and if you do fuck with him then you have two hopes and Bob has left the building. Keanu Reeves can't act, but doesn't really have to as his John seeks revenge for the death of his dog and the theft of his beloved Mustang - simple things, but important. This opening film begins to introduce us to the fabulous world of Assassins' Guilds and honour amongst hit men. The opening movie is okay, it's like a violent ballet draped with style. 6/10

The Wick-er Man Too

John Wick Chapter Two is longer and explores the world of the Assassins' Guild a little further. John has achieved what he wants, but is dragged back into the world he wants to escape by the man who holds his marker. This has double cross writ large all over it, but we get some international violence, more balletic Gun-Fu, and an extra 40 minutes of run time - oh and a Matrix connection. In many ways it's much better than the original because there's money and a purpose now; I think I'll stagger watching the remaining films a little, this kind of thing hurts your head... 7/10

Friday the 13th

This has to be the most Curate's Eggiest thing to appear on TV all year. A retelling of the old Friday the 13th films, with a relatively feasible explanation thrown in. This is a TV show that is simultaneously excellent and awful.  The very camp Crystal Lake feels like it was made in 1973 (sans gratuitous nudity) with two people who can act and a bunch of extras reading off autocues; yet there's something addictive about it even if it stinks the room out. Linda Cardellini is fabulous as Pam Vorhees, switching from psycho to femme fatale like any good psychopath. There's a bunch of odd subplots, trash acting, an excellent town sheriff who seems to have that Jaws vibe all around him and a mysterious ex-serviceman who might be the only person who knows what's going on. The wife gave up on this, but I've stuck with it. There's a lot of dislike, but also a lot to sink your teeth into... 

Ice Cream

Been wondering when this blog is going to appear? Well, the plan was for Saturday 24th, in the morning, but I opted for a later posting to make sure I actually edited it. So that meant Saturday night's - the third one without a blog - film was either tagged into this or kept for next week. I opted to the former, mainly because we watched Scream (2022), the reboot of the awful horror franchise. It was absolutely shite. People paid money to see this crap?

What's Up Next?

Before anything else, I'd like to recommend The Great House Revival, currently on iPlayer. It's an Irish George Clarke show without George and it's all the better for it. What I liked about it was it backhandedly shows us what we're missing from not being in the EU, especially when it comes to free money...

As I'm still ill I have no idea what's going to happen. The wife has my lurgy now; the last two plus weeks have been shitter than a runny cow's arse. 

The clocks go back - the future is even more fucking dull than it was...

My Cultural Life - Quality Control Buttons

What's Up?

As the Book Festival has now finished and my personal anxiety levels return to where they were two weeks ago (probably a little lower), I've noticed that autumn has also arrived. I mean, how did that happen? I remember discussing with the wife about snowdrops back in January and suddenly we're less than three months away from them again.

Does time speed up? Well, it does as you get older and that's because of one simple thing - familiarity. One year when you are 10 is 1/10th of your life, but one year when you're 60 is just 1/60th of your life. Put it in terms of making the same  one hour journey all the time; where it once felt like an hour - possibly longer - it now whizzes past and you can't believe an hour has gone so quickly. Time is an absolute fucker. no doubt about it.

Brand New Arse?

I have questions. If Spider-Man now works full time as a crime stopper how does he afford to live? Does he now have, as well as sticky hands and feet, a sticky arse? Will we ever find out how Spidey saved Frank Castle on Staten Island? Do we care? In fact, why was the 18-rated Punisher shoe-horned into this, at all? Why did this feel like an extended episode of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends? How come Bruce Banner now has to inhibit the Hulk - when did that revelation happen? Why has Marvel decided to introduce Jean Grey at this particular point? Why can't Sony make a Spider-Man film that doesn't require a bunch of MCU characters turn up? Why did Zendaya look like she's already had work done? Why did I find Spider-Man: Brand New Day a bit meh? These are the questions I'd like answering...

I know I have issues with Spider-Man, the same way I have them with Batman. Neither character floats my boat, therefore I'm always fighting a tough battle to like them in feature films. However, I don't think it was all Spidey that made me struggle with this; the camera work felt a little 8mm; it felt dark (and not in a moody way) and perhaps the scaled-back-to-just-a-NYC-backdrop required it to have a grittier feel (most of the external scenes were filmed in Glasgow). There's this gnawing feeling that it was too long, too ponderous and too convoluted. Superficiality seemed to dominate this and the only scenes I truly enjoyed were the ones with Peter, Ned and MJ - mainly because I'd had three previous films where they grew up together. I just found this not spectacular enough. The Punisher was homogenised (PG-13 Frank is a bit pants, tbh); Yelena was trivialised (and why the bath scene?); Damage Control was a piss poor villain, even if there were links taking it right back to Homecoming. The roll-call of villains Spidey has put away just added to the sense this was a pointless exercise in trying to do something different yet the same. Spider-Man's mutation problems, the - again - pointless Hulk cameo and the X-Men angle just shat on it from a height for me. Overall, I didn't really enjoy this at all. I might change my mind when I watch it again in a year or so, but at the moment, I think this is almost as weak as the second Tom Holland Spidey film and that was poor. 6/10

Deceptive Title

I've always wondered why The Gentlemen was called The Gentlemen, because it suggests the film is about a bunch of gentlemen and while there are a number of aristocrats in this movie, they are just the fluff around the edges. The story is about a gang of weed suppliers, who just happened to be so wealthy they rubbed shoulders with the 'right kind of people' - they are the Hoi Polloi (which might have been a cleverer title). Except, if you've seen this film, you will know that it's a lot more complicated than that. What it's also is one of Guy Ritchie's best - alongside his Sherlock Holmes double bill with RDJ. Full of delightfully colourful characters, it is a typical Ritchie film, but there's an added surrealism to this, made even weirder by an excellent performance by Hugh Grant, as the seediest of newspaper reporters. Colin Farrell steals the show, while Charlie Hunnam talks in his native dialect and probably normal voice - top quality stuff. 9/10

New Zealand Story

The Taika Waititi film, The Hunt for the Wilderpeople is both hilariously funny and utterly silly. Julian Dennison plays Ricky Baker, a proper little shit who has flopped from one foster family to another until he's down to his last family. Screw up here and the only place left is Juvenile Hall - like prison for homeless kids. He gets placed with Bella (Rima Te Wiata) and her curmudgeonly husband Hec (Sam Neill) and discovers he quite likes it. However, tragedy strikes and Ricky is going to lose his place and so he runs away. Hec finds him, but instead of handing the boy back, the two form a bond and spend six months living off the land and avoiding arrest. There is a villain in this called Paula Hall, which I find quite brilliant and while it is quite ludicrous at times, you will just love it. 8/10

The Green Death

So... after a really intriguing and interesting start, Lanterns fizzled out with a bit of a whimper. It was a strange series and the last three parts have felt like a very long and meandering epilogue to a very undercooked idea. I'm a bit disappointed really because I thought this was going to be so much more and even the 'revelation' in the finale - which, incidentally, wasn't well explained - felt like a 'well, so what?' kind of thing. Will there be a second season? I'm almost loathe to go and look; there's a lot of TV at the moment I'm finding less than inspiring and this has been one of them. Maybe if more had happened...

Checkmate

Back in the Covid era, one of the most popular shows on TV/Netflix was The Queen's Gambit, a series we didn't watch and our general ambiguity about Anya Taylor Joy didn't help matters. We ploughed through this 2020 series and it has been extremely entertaining, if a little on the cold side, but when your subject is chess and your main character is basically on the spectrum, then you're going to struggle with emotional impact. The story is about a female chess prodigy, who with her unique brain and tranquilizers manages to work her way up the chess ladder, so by the mid 1960s she's regarded as one of the best players in the USA - but that isn't enough for her as she sets her sights on the USSR. It's a solid mini-series that puts a lot into making chess a sexy game.

Goodbye, Good Riddance

Hopefully, the final episode of Ted Lasso has been and gone. It had a strange finale, one full of sentimental shite and bollocks. I can't fathom why they thought it would be a good idea to bring it back. The finale was like some awful pantomime acted by a bunch of wankers.

We also gave Australian comedy show Gnomes a try and switched it off after 14 minutes. 

Under Pants?

Having a TV show set on Newfoundland is a brave move. It is a unique part of Canada and distinct for its Irish heritage and isolated, backwater, communities. Below is the story of a fishing community being asked to relocate - and being offered a lot of money to do it - and all the while something from the deep has returned and it's not to be sniffed at. This is a strange show; Josh Hartnett is up to scratch as the fisherman with a bleak history who also thinks the community might be on the verge of being terrorised by a giant squid. We'll conclude this six-part series next week.

Against the Grain

Among my friends, I am completely in the minority when it comes to Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear. I totally get it, I should abhor Clarkson. He's the diametric opposite of me in so many ways; I don't even like fast sports cars - I grew out of that when I was 14. Yet, I will defend him - to a degree - and will defend my right to enjoy things he does. The thing is, the wife should be even more vehemently opposed to him, yet she's pretty much the same as me - worse, she even watches his Millionaire shows. I concede that this blog is designed as a critical review page and if something I review doesn't float your boat, you're not going to watch it on my recommendation. I mean, look at my music taste?

However, that doesn't prevent me from talking about things none of you are interested in... If you're reading this and have made it this far its as good a win as I can expect. Therefore, I'm not going to try and convince you to watch anything Clarkson related, because even if you did you wouldn't change your mind. What I will say is it's fairly obvious to me why Top Gear hasn't ever reached the heights it had when the classic trio were at the helm; it's also clear why Amazon's new look Grand Tour needs to develop its own personality or it's simply going to become another failed attempt at catching lightning in a bottle. Top Gear with Clarkson, May and Hammond was unique. It was a version of Last of the Summer Wine disguised as a car programme; as it became this monster hit for the corporation, it became more 'scripted,' stopped being a consumer programme and joined the ranks of mega-successful light entertainment show. It was must see TV for many. Things usually have to have something to be watched by millions, especially back in the Noughties.

Its appeal was far reaching - young people even watched it. The idea of three middle-aged men of various personalities thrown together doing crazy things and thoroughly enjoying it and each others company, is just television gold if you get the chemistry right and this got the chemistry very right. 

This is a short week (as you've probably guessed) as I'm quizzing on Friday, but it's actually been a week of slightly curtailed viewing as well, because we've had things to do and I discovered a new rabbit hole to fall down. I've been watching Classic Top Gear compilation videos on the Tube of You and realising why this particular format will never be repeated. These guys had almost 20 years together; the relationship between presenters matured and became extremely comfortable over that period of time; even the scripted stuff felt genuine, because it has been consistent for so long - Classic Top Gear and the original The Grand Tour worked because of the presenters not because of the format.

There's also the fact that some of the things they got up to were simply very funny and there wasn't really anything you could compare it to. I think that's why it's easy to watch an old episode, even from 20 years ago, and still get something from it and that might be that the three guys you were watching knew a lot of stuff you were learning for the first time. Yes, it was a bit too tonally on the right, but never in an aggressive way and far less than you'd expect - after 2016, they always talked favourably about Europe and how stupid we were to have left it - even Clarkson, more so than the others, really. 

This trio of presenters were the last of the 'bloke-ish' television era and the only reason they were so successful for so long - other than being good TV - was because they were, as mentioned before, unique; there was nothing comparable and imitations simply don't have the ingenuity built in. It was why their road trips, whether they were TV specials or just racing across London on a bike, bus and a boat, we were sold on the idea that these were just 'yer average bloke' having a great time. It's probably why people associate Farage with normal working geezas - but let's not go there...

In other words, I've been watching old Top Gears and I've enjoyed it. Sue me.

What's Up Next?

Oh, the things I could tell you...

VisionQuest arrives on Wednesday, I think. I have a slight wish for something interesting and, hopefully, good. Marvel is a constant source of disappointment for me, now. I'm still slightly in shock at how utterly ambivalent I am about the new Spider-Man film was and the thoughts I had, all the way through, such as 'why is this a load of shit?' or 'It just feels so false.' which suggest I was anything but ambivalent about it. The thing is after the initial shock I just had a moment when I realised it isn't going to get any better, and I've been ambivalent about it ever since. VisionQuest just looks like it might be relevant, so it won't be and I'll be spitting teeth in six weeks or so.

We're going to be finishing stuff this week and there might be other new stuff, it is the season for new stuff. I just recall reading one of these articles on line - a feature about TV coming in the autumn and being underwhelmed when I passed the stuff I was happy about it. You know the drill.

My Cultural Life - In (Sur)Real Life

What's Up?

I have this theory. It's a theory that might only appeal to a handful of you, but I'm not going to let that stop me... There's a scene in Fantastic Four: First Steps which feels almost throwaway, but I think is deliberate. Reed Richards casually mentions that he's aware of the multiverse and then we move on; no dwelling, no explanation, just a line in a film. Fast forward to the end credit scene with Franklin and Doc Doom - as soon as Sue sees who it is, she drops her guard. Is this because Doom is - at that point - a friend and ally of the FF or is it because she immediately knows the person dressed as Doc Doom isn't Doc Doom?

I might be reading too much into this, but I like clues and the next one I offer is the unveiling of Robert Downey Jr as Doc Doom at the SDCC in 2024. He was just one man in a sea of Doc Dooms... Any of them could have been Doctor Doom, but only Tony Stark would announce his own entrance that way.

Fast Forward to July and David Harbour is on a late night chat show - something like Jimmy Kimmell - and when he's asked about Avengers Doomsday he does something either inspired or really against MCU rules. He turns to the camera, puts on his finest Red Guardian Russian voice and proclaims: "Tony Stark is Iron Man," And says nothing more. Is this just his little joke or was he actually giving away a major plot point?

We know trailers are devious, have red herrings and erase things from scenes. We know trailers are clever at blindsiding us and we also know something else - Iron Man is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. None of the others, not Cap, Natasha, Hulk or Thor, are MARVEL. They do not start and end this universe like Tony Stark does. In the MCU, Iron Man is your starting point and he is Disney's USP.

If you're bringing the band back - with some probable exceptions - you're not going to want your main man sitting this one out, are you? So how could we possibly have the impossible happen? Simple, really. This is a multiverse and how many of them will have an extant Tony Stark? Infinity War/Endgame might have only happened in one of the multiverses or it might have happened in billions of them. It's the entire point of having a multiverse (sadly).

What if the Doc Doom with Franklin at the end of that end credit scene was that universe's Tony Stark - genius, inventor and friend of the FF? What if Tony was bringing news of Victor Von Doom attempting to destroy the entire multiverse in punishment for something that happened as a result of Endgame? But why's he dressed as Doom though? Maybe because this universe's Reed and Tony know that the MCU we watch have lost their Tony Stark, in tragic but heroic reasons and it would be easier if the FF and Doom turned up here saying there's some other Doom, from another earth, who is a proper apocalypse bringer, rather than trying to explain why there's more Tony Starks than you can shake a stick at. The obvious thing about this ruse is that it's going to have to fail at a part of the film when Iron Man is needed the most, to add to the massive surprise.

This means someone else is Dr Doom and given I don't expect the real one to have much to do for two thirds of this film, then it doesn't really matter who plays him (Cillian Murphy is someone a lot of speculation has been around). 

The extra footage at the end of Avengers Endgame Encore ends with the sound of hammer on iron - the noise of Tony Stark beating metal into the very first Iron Man outfit or forging a Doc Doom mask? It's almost like they're hitting us over the had with all the subliminal Iron Man references. This is where I'm putting all my theories this autumn - that RDJ is just pretending to be Doctor Doom and we're having an Iron Man reunion in December.

Disclaimer

Oh, by the way, for TV shows that are ongoing I try to avoid any spoilers; for old TV shows that we're finally watching, there might be spoilers, but, hey, the review is of an old show so... For movies, if it's a new film then I will avoid spoilers; if the film is over two years old then not so much.

Death Comes to Richmond

In this week's thrilling episode of When Keeley Loved Roy, someone dies; someone who is dead is acknowledged as dead and we discover who the nasty bitch who is trying to buy Rebecca out is. Naturally we all knew it would be Tracey Ullman, because why is she even in the series if not to fuck someone over. Meanwhile Keeley is up the duff and avoiding raw fish, alcohol and high blood pressure. On the pitch the girls win a game, get promoted and lose their striker again, but find another one down the back of the sofa. Next week is the season finale, which I was led to believe would be the end of it - full stop. There is nothing on Wiki about there being a fifth season, so I presume that Ullman buys Richmond, kicks Keeley, Roy, Rebecca and Ted Lasso out and they all live happily ever after doing something else. Stay tuned...

The Test of Time

Midnight Run has been a staple of the last nigh on 40 years. The comedy starring Robert De Niro and Charles Grodin is classic 1980s, but also the kind of movie that turns up late at night and you end up watching it, because, you know... The thing is it's still a great comedy, even if some of it feels of another age now. The story of a bounty hunter taking a wanted man across the country to appear in court as a witness for the prosecution against a big organised crime boss should be simple, but as with all great American road movies of its era, nothing ever is. Unlike other films of its ilk, Grodin and De Niro never really become buddies, which might be why it's so much better than other movies with similar themes. It's worth watching if it's on late at night and you don't have to get up in the morning. 7/10

In Sickness

Having finally broken the streak of Matthew McConaughey films we haven't enjoyed, I fancied another trip down AIDS Lane with Dallas Buyers Club, a movie where McConaughey took method acting up to an entirely different level. He lost 40lbs to make this film and Jesus, does he look sick in it. Playing Ron Woodroof, a good ol' boy heterosexual grifter in Texas, the last thing he ever expected was to catch the 'gay disease' but years of unprotected sex, drug taking and putting his pecker wherever he felt ended up a death sentence for him. When he tries to get on the AZT program being trialled, he fails and ends up in Mexico, desperate for anything to prolong his life. There he meets Dr Vass, who had been struck off and was working with Mexican AIDS victims using experimental treatments. This gives Ron an idea; ship these drugs into the USA and sell them to other people in the same boat. To get around this, they create a club - the Dallas Buyers Club - which provides meds at a fixed rate but is not FDA approved. This is the story of how one man helped the entire gay community in the 1980s when the rest of the USA was only interested in protecting its pharmaceutical rights (and paydays). 8/10

Black Holes

The penultimate episode of Lanterns was not what I expected and went places I didn't see coming. I have a theory about who killed Hal Jordan, but at the moment I don't have much of a motive, apart from everyone hated the former Green Lantern. This was all about John and Hal's hologram trying to come to terms with the situation and John's unique ability - which was hinted at way back in episode two. 

Shark Attacks

The difference between a Simon Reeve country-based documentary and a Simon Reeve eco-friendly documentary is the latter are missing that certain something that make some Simon Reeve programmes great, while feeling like they just need to get on with it. In the second of Simon Reeve Wilderness, the affable reporter is in the Sea of Cortez, which is full of stuff but is pretty remote and has some hammerhead sharks. There is no jeopardy about these shows - last week they found a tree kangaroo, this week some sharks. It all feels like it's missing something.

Morally Ambiguous

As entertaining as it was, I had issues with Law Abiding Citizen because the 'hero' of the movie was actually the villain. This is obvious from the beginning - Jamie Foxx is an ambitious and determined lawyer who doesn't lose cases, so when he negotiates the life of a murderer who raped and killed a wife and child down to a three year sentence, Gerard Butler - the husband - isn't happy about this. Butler is a kind of CIA bod and he can kill people, very cleverly, so when he targets anyone who had anything to do with his family's deaths, it becomes a race against time to stop him from enacting a horrific revenge. Like I said, Foxx is depicted as an honest and driven lawyer, but he allowed a very nasty man to walk away from prison after time served for the benefit of his great record as an ADA. I know who I was rooting for. 5/10

The Fart Gag

Interstate 60: Episodes of the Road is a movie I'd never heard of until earlier this week. I would have thought that a fantasy with a very reasonable IMDB rating would have fallen on my radar, but it didn't, until now. James Marsden is a disillusioned wannabe comic artist whose father wants him to go to law school, his girlfriend is more into psychoanalysing him than supporting him and the only person he gets any real support from is his sister. However, on a birthday meal out, Neal Oliver makes a wish, one that falls on the ears of OW Grant - a mythical man who is believed to prowl the backroads of the USA giving wishes to strangers, the way a genie would. OW is played by Gary Oldman, with bright red hair, a bow tie and a Leprechaun-like sense of mischief. He [ahem] grants Neal his wish, which takes the shape of having to deliver a package somewhere along Interstate 60, a place that simply doesn't exist. This is like a modern Alice in Wonderland and it is very entertaining, but what elevates it from a medium score to a higher one is the fart gag. It happens unannounced, you don't see it coming and it will floor you. 7/10 

Unreality TV

The two totally fantastic things about The Truman Show are when it was made - 1998 - and how prophetic it was. Obviously, this is a very dark comedy, but if you strip away Jim Carrey and the massive façade, you're left with the birth of reality TV. It's possible that the concept of reality TV was already firmly rooted in the world of entertainment - are documentaries not reality TV? The thing was TV had never toyed with the idea of Live, Moment-by-Moment, Total TV, so Peter Weir's film introduced us to it and allowed it to escape Pandora's box. Nearly 30 years after its release and reality TV is cheap, binge-able and has an audience, who even by today's standards, are nailed on - exactly at it was depicted. There was even a nightly 'chat show' format featuring cast members and technical staff in a format we're now extremely used to - celebs talk content. The film, despite Carrey rather than because of him, is magnificently grim and as the story unfolds, you start to see how wrong everything about The Truman Show - the TV show inside the movie - is; from the corporate ownership of Truman Burbank to the inappropriate and extreme lengths some cast members have to go to keep the show's producer - Ed Harris - vision on message. About halfway through it starts to become a psychological horror story and that opens up sooooo many other distasteful aspects. The thing is it isn't a very likeable thing; there's a coldness about it which is totally in tune with the subject matter, but makes it a tough thing to appreciate its potential genius. 8/10

It's Not Goodbye

A mate of mine said when Gary Lineker left MotD, "Don't feel sorry for him. His Podcast company is making millions; more people watch his stuff on line than on the BBC." Since then a few people have quit 'BBC' life - comfortable TV mainstays - for the world of personalised programming.

This morning (Friday), I've just read some of Marina Hyde's final column at The Guardian. She's essentially quitting writing for the paper to concentrate on her twice-weekly podcast she does with Richard Osman. She's getting five times the audience and getting paid a lot more money. Good luck to her; I read her column about as many times a year as I read books in a year, so it's no great loss to me and that's probably the main reason for her leaving - people no longer care as deeply about things as they once did.

I'm recommended podcasts and iPlayer stuff all the time; I even tried the Well That Went Well podcast that Tom Walker and Geoff Norcott did during the summer, but I grew less interested in it as it went on, when I realised that I didn't really like either of the men or their beliefs and that Jonathon Pie is a creation of Tom Walker, not necessarily Tom Walker. I just don't get the format the way younger people do. I'm just old fashioned in my viewing habits, even if I have tried to be less ... long in the tooth.

If I didn't watch the Tube of You and sometimes click on links posted by trusted friends, I would never have discovered the aforementioned Pie as it would never have been on TV and maybe that's why TV is dying, because the stuff that is being watched on line has no TV equivalent. Mainstream Media is so corporate now that going into podcasts and social media at least gives you the freedom you didn't have, because we know what happens to our TV celebrities if they so much as sneeze at the wrong time. It's anodyne and outdated, but I struggle to give it up. Gen Z will, because they already have. It's an option rather than a requirement; it's never been that before.

Anyhow, just because someone we like or know disappears from our screens, no longer means their careers are over; they might just be starting.

The Liver Guys

Hmm... Runner was simultaneously what I expected and nothing like what I expected. The Australian setting felt odd; the comic book villains were mildly ludicrous (plus, the version I watched only had Italian subtitles, so all the Spanish was all Spanish to me) and despite a 100 minute run time, it felt like it was never going to end. Talk about getting as much bang for your buck as possible. Alan Ritchson plays Alan Ritchson; this time with tattoos and grieving a dead daughter and failed marriage. He is a delivery man - a specialist courier - charged with getting Owen Wilson to the Gold Coast with a liver, to save the life of a nine-year-old girl. This is a film that throws absolutely everything possible at you from nurses prepared to kill children to OTT violence that could have walked straight out of a Warner Bros cartoon. It was all right; nowt special and Ritchson is going to end up playing a superhero, isn't he? 6/10

What's Up Next?

Today - publishing day - is the second Saturday of Book Festival; just two more days of stress to go. Maybe in the coming weeks I'll explain why it's such a stressful 10 days for me, but until then you can take that to the bank.

There's new stuff on TV; apparently the new Spider-Man film will be available from Tuesday and I'm sure there will be even more to talk about...

Until then, the usual claims and disclaimers...

My Cultural Life - How Low Can You Go?

What's Up?

In the last few weeks I have had an abundance of wild mushrooms, runner beans from my garden plants, new season Golden Wonder potatoes, freshly picked apples from friends' trees and a host of other harvest season delights. The wife had hot cross buns for her breakfast on Sunday morning... Yep, it's September.

One of the best things about May is fresh English asparagus. Not this imported rubbish from Peru or Mexico, which has no taste and has travelled more food miles than most of us will ever travel. Also in May, June and July there are Jersey Royal new potatoes and both these vegetables, if you want seasonal, are available for a limited time and that's what makes them so special.

You can buy strawberries, raspberries and other soft fruit all year round; we import so much fruit and veg from other countries that the idea of seasonal has all but disappeared. One of the joys of the past was waiting for the special seasonal treats to come along and having lots of them - overdosing on the splendours of our own harvests.

Capitalism has ruined this for most of the our seasonal treats. We can always buy something that's similar; something that is now cultivated rather than growing wild; pale imitations from a different country, satisfying someone's needs or desires. If it's autumn here, then it's spring somewhere else and vice versa. 

I remember talking about seasonal food around the time of the Brexit vote. People complaining that we would have to be more reliant on our own food production and I saw this as one of the only benefits of leaving the EU. Except, that didn't materialise. We still import so much food from all over the world and we wonder why the world is burning.

I live in a place where many people, who probably would be called New Age Hippies, champion and campaign for locally grown or made produce; encourage and promote growing your own food and buying locally and I suppose that's one of the brilliant things about living in a place like this. My dinner today is going to consist of potatoes grown 25 miles away, runner beans grown 25 feet away, a cauliflower grown in Ayrshire and a main course that does involve some food miles, but was constructed in my kitchen, by me and not bought, pre-made, in a supermarket. Too many people in large towns and cities have forgotten how to be local and that's to their detriment...

Disclaimer

Oh, by the way, for TV shows that are ongoing I try to avoid any spoilers; for old TV shows that we're finally watching, there might be spoilers, but, hey, the review is of an old show so... For movies, if it's a new film then I will avoid spoilers; if the film is over two years old then not so much.

The Breakdown

It has been over 30 years since I last watched Falling Down, the film which, I think, cemented Joel Schumacher's career as one of Hollywood's top directors and featured the talents of Michael Douglas and Robert Duval. It tells the story of a  fragile, possibly mentally-unstable man  - Douglas - driven to the edge of his mind by the injustices he sees every day; finally breaking and lashing out against mankind. It also tells the story of a retiring police officer - Duval - who in his own way is dealing with the same daily problems as Douglas. This was a groundbreaking movie when it came out because for more than half of the film Douglas's character was almost seen as an anti-hero, a man pushed over the edge by a rapidly fracturing society (so imagine if this film were made in 2026 instead of 1993?). It is dated, but only in its look and feel, the themes are probably just as prevalent and relevant today and while Douglas's character tips over the edge in full blown psycho mode, you can't help but root for him at times. 8/10

Falling Down...

[Did you see what I did there?] ... About two years ago, I heard this expression; 'fallen down an Instagram rabbit hole' and dismissed the idea as some ludicrous Gen Z nonsense. Then I discovered that falling down an Instagram rabbit hole is much easier than you can imagine and robs you of time like nothing else. The thing is, Insta has become my go to place for films; there are loads of clips of movies on there and the algorithm has worked out that I like watching clips. So about 50% of the movies we've been watching recently are ones that Instagram has played a part in. It's just a sort of recommendation thing; if a film has a lower than 6 IMDB rating then I'm going to avoid it - mainly - but it has turned up a few things I wasn't even aware of, so the procedure, while alarmingly time wasteful, does have its uses. Just, for the sake of your soul, don't go there unless you want to lose yourself in it...

Bad Optics

I've got to be honest, there is an element of Lanterns that I'm not getting, although I think I'm following it a little better than the wife. The reason for this is, I think, my understanding of the Green Lantern Corps, which I actually believe you need to have an understanding of to fully appreciate what is going on - with the internal Lantern politics, etc. The mystery aspect is quite simple; the town of Rushville hate Green Lanterns because Green Lanterns were responsible for the end of prosperity in their town and the destruction of so much of it and the deaths of loads of people. It didn't matter to them that the Manhunter they were harbouring was a galactic fugitive, she brought peace and wellness to their community and therefore the Lanterns were to blame, even if she caused much of the death and destruction. This sixth episode is the start of trying to find out how and who killed Hal Jordan - something we've known since the epilogue of the opening part. Despite it being a pivotal episode, it felt a little like a scene setter, even with a guest appearance from Guy Gardner.

Smooth Operator

There have been two albums in the 21st Century which have firmly been regarded by me as two of the best. Sea Change and Morning Phase, both by Beck, an artist I have never liked. However, these two, arguably Gene Clark influenced, albums have been remarkable additions to my record collection, with the latter of the two one of my favourite albums of all time. Dreamy almost country themed beauty, full of fabulous songs and toe-tapping brilliance. So when I heard about Ride Lonesome I immediately thought about getting it and also started to worry that Beck might not score a hat trick. As I said, I don't like Beck's work; I don't understand it. Every album he's released - apart from the three mentioned - just makes my blood curdle. I don't get it. But give him an acoustic guitar and some country lite themes and you get true works of genius. This album is no exception and on the first few listens, I'm wondering if it might actually be the best of the three. It will take a lot to shift Morning Phase but this doesn't appear to have a weak track on it, even the one I like the least is still pretty fucking awesome. It's strange that an artist so well known and commercial should fall onto my eclectic radar, but if it hadn't have been for my mate Tony, I would never have found these gems. An astounding piece of work that deserves a 10/10.

For Heaven's Sake

In just over a month, Paul Bettany will be back on our screens as Vision in the first MCU/Disney series for a long time. Back in 2010, he starred in a really quite dreadful biblical apocalyptic tale called Legion. He played Michael, a fallen angel, who comes to earth to protect a pregnant woman from the wrath of God, who will send an army of angels, possessing human bodies, to kill the woman and her unborn baby. It also stars Denis Quaid, Adrianne Palicki, Kevin Durand and some other people, all being set up for some kind of horrific fall. It's a film that starts, gets to the middle and then ends later on. It makes little sense until it starts making no sense and then it has an implausible ending. It has a poor rating on IMDB and was on Film4 last week and I just felt compelled to record it and watch. I should self flagellate next time I get these urges, maybe wrench my eyes out with pliers. 2/10

Risky Business

The wife and I have been vegetarians for a long time; over 35 years for her and just over 30 for me, so watching a movie about the rise of McDonalds didn't seem to be the most suitable Saturday night viewing, but The Founder proved to be one extremely interesting biopic. Michael Keaton played Ray Kroc, the man who discovered Dick and Mac McDonald's new 'fast food' restaurant in San Bernardino, California, 14 years after they opened it and turned it into what we see today, a company of questionable ethics that literally sell more burgers per minute than you will take breaths in your lifetime. The really interesting thing about this is for the first half of the film, the story of how Kroc persuades the slightly naïve McDonald brothers to franchise their business using him as their manager seems like a really great example of the American Dream, but the strange thing is where you expect this to end up almost like a 'paid content' advert for the burger kings, it starts to get nasty and Kroc turns out to be an absolute shit burger. A man so driven that he screws just about everyone over to get what he wants. It's an absolute eye-opener and I'm sure The McDonald's Corporation were not happy with the end result. You will be. 8/10 

Share Option

In this week's thrilling episode of The Roy & Keeley Show, there's a special guest appearance by Ted Lasso! He's not saying much, yet he's putting across a stoically benign stand against upset women. Higgins discovers someone is aggressively buying up shares in Richmond FC and Rebecca thinks it's her ex-husband, who, of course, is now dead. Not her fictional husband, but the bloke who plays him in the TV show, thus causing a temporal rift which threatens the entire existence of the WSL League 2. There's a couple of ludicrous scenes with supposedly wide cars and as we edge towards the season finale, Juno Temple's tits are just bursting out of this week's dress. Film at 11.

The Nice Face of Racism

A few years ago, I noticed the wife had programmed the set top box to record Hidden Figures and I asked why? "I don't remember seeing it," she said. "We watched it a few years ago." But she recorded it and we watched it a second time. A couple of months ago, I saw the pre-programmer had Hidden Figures highlighted to record. "We've seen that quite recently," I said. "It's a good film, I thought we'd watch it again." So we did. Three times in about ten years is pretty good going. It's such a good [read: seen numerous times] movie I can actually quote lines from it, now. It probably romanticises how it was really like for these black women in the early 1960s, but it does give the impression that racism at NASA was mainly indifference with a dash of indignance and the black women didn't mind it, really, because it was like that in the USA. Which, might have been how it really was for most people when black, brown and any other race other than white was treated like dog shit, but I doubt it. It's still a great film. 8/10

Huh?

Every so often, I sit down and watch something and it simply disappears. I either don't feel any kind of connection or it has so little affect on me that I actually, physically, struggle to write something about it. Danny Boyle's Trance is one of those films. It lost me very early, I struggled to stay awake during it and at the end I didn't care what I'd seen. Made in 2016, this is the story of a heist, or is it? James McAvoy might be forgetful or he might be trying something on. Rosario Dawson gets her kit off and Vincent Cassel acts very badly (literally, not metaphorically). It's about memories, psychotherapy, hypnosis and bullshit. It felt like a music video at times. I wouldn't watch it again. 2/10 

I'll Be Back

The barrel is being scraped. You're watching it in real time. Each week, another entry in the 'WTF?' column. You, the reader, getting to an entry and thinking, 'Huh?' Is this some kind of punishment he's giving himself? Who can say? But I watched Terminator: Dark Fate and realised two very important things. Linda Hamilton cannot act to save her life and Terminator movies are an absolute donkey swamp of turds. There is no purpose for them and they should have been stopped. They aren't entertaining or interesting. AI taking over the world is far more sinister. 2/10

What's Next?

Well, that would be the Wigtown Book Festival, which is currently underway and will still be when next week's blog comes out - although that will be the second Saturday and the end will be in sight. It's not that I have any problems with the Book Festival, apart from the way it takes over the town for two weeks and feels like the town is a hindrance rather than the venue. That might have to do with the people who, oddly enough like me, have nothing to do with the book side of where we live. Wigtown is much more than a venue for a literary festival that the BBC has never deemed to exist, but ITV does a feature every year. It will be what it always is and it's also going to be greener...

Nope, not as in energy, but in colour. By the time the Book Festival rolls around, autumn is in full swing and we get shite weather to compound it. This time it's like summer is hanging on for dear life and it might not be particularly warm, but it's not been cold either. We have an awful day of weather forecast for Sunday, but the rest of the coming week seems to be very reasonable. Good weather brings more people out...

Anyhow, that means the wife is on long days and early nights and this will no doubt be born out by whatever shite we watch this coming week.