Pop Culture - It's Just a Fantasy

The usual spoilers apply and I think there might be a few here so tread carefully young padawans...

One Episode Problem

If you're going to have a high profile, big budget Sci-Fi thriller from the people who brought you Game of Thrones, you'd best make sure that you don't have one absolutely spanking episode and seven quite dull ones, because that's what we had with 3 Body Problem.

I don't know if the reason for this series is to watch 'primitive' man have set back after set back, but that's pretty much what we got as the San-Ti looked down on us and saw that they don't really have to worry that much because we're great at failure. So much of this series appeared to have some kind of internal logic driving it forward; the things that linked the six characters introduced towards the start of it; but by the end three of them had died, all in vain, one had given up, one felt like everything she'd done had been wasted and the usually wasted one found himself elevated to one of the three most important people on the planet and in immediate risk of imminent death.

Whatever logic there appeared to be was a red herring. In the end it was like the last three episodes were simply treading water; three episodes dedicated to the creation of a spaceship that could reach 1/10th the speed of light to intercept the San-Ti in 200 years that failed because of piss poor manufacturing (and quite dodgy special effects). Everything about this felt... slightly pointless. Like one of the three most important people in the world said to someone who would die accidentally because of a fluke of nature, "It's all happening in 400 years and none of us will be alive then and I don't intend to have any children so it doesn't matter to me..." Or words to that effect.

3 Body Problem is an epic story; I'm told there are ideas and concepts being explored in future seasons that are quite mind-blowing, yet one of its problems is it's just a bit too boring. It needs a bit more action; it needs to be less cryptic; it needs to explain how and why the San-Ti managed to create a cult of nutters on Earth prepared to do their bidding; it needs something to fucking happen. It all just a bit too wordy and some of the dialogue is annoying. Why wasn't Saul told that once he became - once it was announced that he was - one of the three most important people in the world that that was his life fucked; he couldn't refuse it, he was it and he had to suck it up and see what happens? Why didn't they give him a bullet proof helmet, especially when there was an attempt on his life pretty quickly after the announcement? No, he wasn't shot in the head but the would be assassin pretty much said what we were all thinking - if he was that important, why aim for his heart when a headshot would have been more efficient? If you're fighting an omnipotent opponent and they're bothered by certain individuals, wrap them in cotton wool and hide them away, don't let them wander around where all manner of people who might have been got at can kill or maim? I know, they have to make a TV show, but if they're going to make a TV show about an alien invasion where the aliens are so advanced that they use other dimensions to get their information, at least write it like you understand what that means.

My biggest problem with 3 Body Problem is more to do with the fact the actual 3 body problem isn't what we're dealing with now; that seemed to be a gateway to finding clever people who somehow were going to help the San-Ti when they arrived here (even though it's in 400 years); what was the point of all of that; the point of the VR creations; the point of why the San-Ti have left their world. My problem is it doesn't seem to have a point; it's just a deathly slow alien invasion story with random characters who might, but probably don't, have something to do with the outcome. Obviously I'll watch season two. 

Trailer Trash

Kong X Godzilla: The New Empire is something that comes out before this blog goes live, yet I almost feel as though I've seen most of it. Literally something like 11 minutes of the film has been released in trailers and while the film is obviously not 11 minutes some films are ruined by 30 second trailers.

The sad thing about this over-over-hyped stinker, which I am waiting patiently to watch, is that at this point in the calendar there is no worldwide streaming date for Godzilla: Minus One, a film that actually won a friggin' Oscar. Lauded as the best Godzilla film EVER, it had a good cinema run but no one has bought it up for a streaming service, while GxK:TNE will probably hit streaming sites by May...

Back to the new film, it's about Kong and Godzilla teaming up to beat a giant Orangutan, a giant spider and another giant lizard, while some accomplished actors look on while counting the wads of cash they were given to star in this shite. I can't wait. 

Metal Heads

So... Twisted Metal then? I think the best way to sum it up is we gave it an entire episode but by the end of that we decided perhaps it wasn't the kind of thing we liked. I know we seem to do this a lot now, we gave it a chance, but I kind of think that the opening five minutes did it.

The thing is neither of us have ever really been Mad Max fans and while I was a bit of a fan of Carmageddon in the 1990s, I was in my 30s rather than my 60s. We both quite like Anthony Mackie, but he needs to be in something that is a complete package, not just him and a lot of nonsense surrounding him. I wasn't convinced that there would be enough in the story to keep me interested and the idea of car chases, gun fights, big explosions and dialogue that was clearly written for and aimed at people 40 years younger than me has made me realise that things like this are going to happen to me a lot more as I crawl towards my ultimate end. I mean, we gave up on Domino Day because it just wasn't our thing and it felt like it had been plotted and scripted by someone who's big on TikTok or something; this was in the same arena. It simply wasn't the kind of thing that we like, so we're not watching any more of it. You can have a go at persuading me that I've made a fundamental error, but I suspect no one will...

Blind Man's Not Bluffing

So Fede Alvarez - the director who is responsible for the new Alien reboot and the Evil Dead reboot started out by directing a short - 88 minutes - crime thriller with a dash of horror called Don't Breathe which starred Stephen Lang, best known for appearing in crap low budget films you may never want to watch (again). He's in the same league as Neal McDonough and possibly even Eric Roberts, although maybe not that low down the list of has-beens.

This is a film about a trio of burglars who break into peoples' houses because one of the burglars' father works for a security company and house keys or alarm codes or something. They get a tip off that an old blind man who has inherited a shedload of money from a settlement after his daughter was killed might be their best way of hitting the big time and getting away from Detroit. All they have to do is get into the house, steal the money and get away. However, the old blind man is an Iraq war veteran, he has a big fuck off Rottweiler dog and his house is locked up tighter than Fort Knox. This doesn't deter our three intrepid burglars, unfortunately when things don't go the way they plan, two of them find themselves in a fight for their lives and survival. They also discover a woman, tied up in the basement, who is the prisoner of the blind man ... what the actual fuck have these guys wandered into?

It becomes pretty much a straightforward survival horror film from that moment on and if you want to be analytical you also start to wonder how a blind man has achieved so much, such as being able to kidnap and keep the woman who accidentally killed his daughter locked in a dungeon, in a sophisticated series of straightjackets and wires and pullies. His abilities are touched on, but really it's just a bad taste nasty torture porn wannabe with a lot of cheap thrills and some extra nastiness thrown in for good measure. I can see why the director is destined for better things; there's was a real sense of claustrophobia about the film and the way it was made, but as a horror/slash/thriller it was... I dunno, average at best. As usual there's a sequel/prequel out that has a much lower rating on the film sites and wasn't made by Alvarez and we won't be dipping our toes into that particular cesspool. 

Lancashire Hot and Cold Pot

Chronologically, Passenger is absolutely fucked up - how is it that it starts on a snowy night and the very next day it's the middle of summer, then it's the winter again, then the summer, then maybe the spring or possibly the autumn? What about the vehicles? You have the local coppers driving around in a Metro - something we haven't seen for probably 30 years; a detective in an old Volvo, but also in a 4x4 with spotlights and very modern. The décor in most of the shops and pub feels like it's in the 1980s, even the police station is odd, yet everyone has smart phones. Even computer games look like they're from the age of Atari ST and yet it seems to be contemporary...

Someone described it as Happy Valley meets The League of Gentlemen, whereas the Guardian - my 'favourite' newspaper for making up reviews based on someone's synopsis - gave this four stars and suggested it was, yet again, something it clearly isn't. Passenger is possibly the weirdest thing to appear on ITV in a long time. Is it a supernatural thriller? Is there something paranormal going on? Why does everyone seem to hate each other and shout a lot? Why is there a fracking site run by one - posh - man and who are the people protesting outside it? There's even a suggestion that people who live in Chadder Vale in Lancashire (but actually filmed in West Yorkshire) can never escape the place, that there's a curse on it. Oh and what the fuck got out of the van at the beginning of the first episode and why are people disappearing?

Wunmi Mosaku - last seen in the brilliant Loki - is the former Met police detective who is bored and would like some real police work to do but has a CO who seems oblivious to everything and wants her to investigate missing wheelie bins and coughing cats. This is a strangely comical series that tonally isn't a comedy at all, it's more surreal than anything else. It has myriad plot lines, with larger than life characters, stereotypical characters and chronologically misplaced ones as well - everything about this series feels slightly wrong and then there's the seasons. Surely people who make TV series must realise that people will notice that in one scene it's freezing cold and there's no leaves on the trees and the next scene it's obviously July. The opening episode did have a local DJ suggesting that the snow was a bit of a fluke, but that, IMHO, was just lazy scriptwriting because it was obviously filmed across a six month period to the point where even the sunlight varied from scene to scene. Or maybe it's just like that up in the high peak regions of Lancashire? Oh and David 'Frank Gallagher' Threlfall's in it, playing the posh bloke who owns the fracking site and lives in a caravan, was the victim of the town's most hated resident who has just out of prison and doesn't appear to remember anything he's ever done...

We got halfway through; watched the first three episodes in one sitting and figured we'd watch the other three the following night. Then I saw its rating on IMDB had dropped to 5.7 and decided to do something I usually avoid; I read some of the IMDB reviews and a couple of them with spoilers and it appears that all six episodes are like the first three, there's little or no explanation and it appears to set things up for second series. So, this is going the same way as Twisted Metal, it's consigned to the rubbish heap of time; there will be no reprieves, we waste too much time on unfulfilling garbage. It's just a shame because I like Wunmi Mosaku, I think she's a good actor. Anyhow, there is literally Nothing To See Here!

Keep on Shitting

I decided that it was time to give Venom a second viewing. Don't ask me why, given how bad Sony Marvel films are, but obviously this was the exception to the rule. That rule being that all Sony films are dribbly shit, but Venom isn't quite as bad. Except, it really is. It maybe has one or two redeeming features but I'm hard pressed to tell you what they are. Tom Hardy is okay as the disgraced journalist Eddie Brock; Vanessa Williams looks bored and like she'd rather be somewhere else as his ex-girlfriend and Riz Ahmed is just fucking awful.

You know things are problematic when the Venom from Spider-Man 3 isn't the Venom in this film. Instead, it's obviously set in an alternate Spider-Man universe (the one that doesn't have a Spider-Man in it) and the symbiote is one of many that has been found in space by super-billionaire psychopath Ahmed. There is no real explanation why Venom is called Venom, why Eddie's physiology works better than other humans or, more crucially, why this film was ever made in the first place. It's got some half reasonable special effects some of the time, but Venom and his abilities are largely rubbish; Hardy's version of Brock is a bit too comical and this is essentially a 'comic book movie' rather than a superhero film. It's quite violent and nasty at times and Kevin Feige and the people at Disney must really loathe Sony and the rubbish they spew out of their festered arses that use the Marvel logo. There's even a set up for the sequel that is both lame and without any real point unless you know the comics - but why would you want to watch a film like this unless you were familiar with the comics and/or had some brain function problems?

Life Afterlife

Regular readers of these blogs will know (or remember) that I don't think Ghostbusters is a very good film; it is essentially a Bill Murray vehicle that had a catchy tune and caught a wave of goodwill that turned it into a huge blockbuster movie. watching it many years later and it has many, many faults. 

I know there are a lot of people who hated the reboot in 2016 with the all girl Ghostbusters, but that was a considerably better film on just about all levels and in 2021 there was Ghostbusters: Afterlife which rebooted the original franchise and divided the critics. Some hated it, others thought it should never have left New York (that would be the Guardian) and some thought it was a touching and excellent homage to Harold Ramos who died a few years before this was made. It is, in my never humble opinion, the best Ghostbusters film of the lot. It has flaws, but in general it is a film that respects the originals, fleshes them out, pays tribute to the original actors and brings an entirely new feel to the 'franchise'. Ghostbusters is thought of as an excellent kids film (and really, the original was anything but) and this does a great job of making it a creepy kids film that also works on a number of levels.

Carrie Coon and Paul Rudd are excellent; Finn Wolfhard has a role that in many ways is befitting an actor with his lack of talent; Logan Kim is quite excellent as Podcast, but the film is McKenna Grace's; she is the real star, the real keeper of Harold Ramis and Egon Spengler's flame. She is quite brilliant as the 12-year-old granddaughter of the dead Ghostbuster (who is brought back by the powers of CGI). This movie might transplant the action from NY to Oklahoma, but it also explains so much about the first film while simultaneously tying it into this new one that you have to admire the writers of this; it deserves an A+ just for being able to do that. It was also great seeing Dan Ackroyd, Ernie Hudson and even Bill Murray reprise their roles and even Sigourney Weaver (looking fantastic for a 71 year old) manages to get in on the act in the post credit scene. This is not a rubbish unnecessary sequel that wasn't needed; it is an emotional and thoroughly enjoyable romp that actually could have done with being a little longer with more ghost action. It's Wednesday night and it's been the best thing I've watched this week so far...

*Please be aware that we were unaware that this film was the Good Friday BBC film. Had we known that we would have watched it on TV rather than watching it off the Flash Drive of Doom. Thank you. 

From My Archives

In January, of this year, something popped up in my Facebook memories. It was a 13-year-old blog I had written, similar to these blogs wot I now write and it was praising a new US TV series called Shameless (US). As you can imagine, this was a US version of the hit Channel 4 comedy drama from the turn of the millennium, written by Paul Abbott about a dysfunctional family - transplanted from Manchester to Chicago for this revamp. Shameless (US) became one of our favourite TV shows for almost a decade. It made the UK version pale into insignificance; it was for eight of its 11 seasons one of the best things to ever appear on any television and I used to bang on about it in every single incarnation of this blog.

It starred William H. Macy (as Frank Gallagher), Emmy Rossum (as Fiona) and an unknown young actor called Jeremy Allen White (as Phillip 'Lip' Gallagher), except he was quite low down in the cast list despite having a crucial role to play in the entire series. He was quite brilliant as the errant but brilliant eldest son of the feckless Frank; a boy genius with the world at his feet but possessing a Gallagher gene that meant that every time he was on the verge of becoming something he'd fuck it up. In my original review of Shameless (US) it focused on what a great adaptation it was, but pointed out what a unique and talented actor White was. I was very clear that he was the real star of this show and he was going to go on to great things as an actor. With all modesty, I have to say, am I a fucking prophet or what? His latest TV show The Bear is one of the three best TV shows currently being made anywhere in the world (it's so good, he's finished filming season 3 and is already shooting season 4); he's appeared in a couple of films over the last 18 months and is about to play Bruce Springsteen in a biopic. That last bit doesn't fill me with a lot of anticipation because I'm not a fan of 'The Boss' at all, especially as I've said for the last 13 years that the biopic he should be in is one that focuses on the Hollywood great Robert Mitchum. However, this is one case of 'I told you so' that I'm really proud of.

The Last But One...

There was a couple of moments in the penultimate episode of Resident Alien where it forgot it was a comedy and remembered that originally there was also an element of drama in this series. There was also a lot of tying up subplots that you'd completely forgotten about and all of them had to do with parenthood. D'Arcy's lousy relationship with her mother and revelation from her father. Asta discovering her birth mother is an absolute bag of shit and coming to an understanding with her own estranged adopted daughter. The mayor and his wife realising that something is very wrong regarding alien abductions and Harry reconnecting with his son, who wants to kill him. Out of all of these it was the mayor's wife who stole the show and Harry did an abnormally human thing at the end of it. The problem, of course, was all of that was not enough to save it from the usual dross we've become accustomed to. The finale promises very little.

From the Actual Archives

It's funny how films from your past; from your youth, that have such an impact on you can feel like a different planet when you watch them 30 years or so later. The wife once said this was one of the scariest films she'd ever seen, but tonight she looked at me like I'd imagined her saying that. I've always thought The Haunting was a classic and in many ways it is, it's just... well, much of the drama is just badly written overwrought nonsense.

Made by Robert Wise in 1963, it is regarded by many to be a great horror film, but in reality it's a psychological thriller that might be a ghost story or it might be the manifestation of the some psychic abilities that the main character - Eleanor Lance - had. I can understand why Stephen King was so taken by this film and why his own book Carrie borrows so heavily from themes in the original Shirley Jackson novel. Hill House might be a cursed and haunted house, but is what happens over the three days to the group of investigators really ghosts or the conjuring of things from the deranged mind of someone with a short but effective history of telekinetic/poltergeist exposure? Is this a proto-Carrie?

The film does a good job of setting up the house as the bad guy; unexplained deaths, curmudgeonly owner who forced his daughter to live in a house with no straight lines, barely any natural light and corridors like mazes. So when Richard Johnson (as Professor Markway, the lead psychic investigator) turns up with Eleanor (Nell), Theodora (Theo) and Luke Sanderson - who expects to inherit the house one day - it's more about the strange and unusual relationships that will be formed between the four people. Nell is there as she's been invited because of a strange phenomena that took place when she was 11 - the house where she lived with her mother and sister had stones rain down on it for three solid days. Theo is there because she's got telepathic abilities and the two women are opposites of a coin - Nell is meek, weak and timid, while Theo is sexually charged, confident and aggressive. Markway doesn't do a very good job of vetting his team of investigators and it soon becomes clear that Nell is damaged goods and Theo is a wind-up merchant, but the first night they are beset by a ghostly presence that only seems to affect the women, from this point on tensions increase and relationships fracture as the house does its best to create divisions and mistrust.

However, while it was probably quite a brilliantly scary film in the 1960s and even beyond; it has dated terribly and feels overwrought, overacted and badly scripted, with Markway, especially, suffering from such poor scripting that one wonders if he's an investigator in anything, given his lack of seeming experience, especially dealing with individuals. Much of what makes the film creepy is the use of camera angles, the filming techniques and the soundscape. The use of stark black and white - therefore just grey tones - make everything seem ambiguous and it is an example of brilliant filmmaking, it just no longer feels as though it has been executed well. Julie Harris is excellent as the troubled Nell, Clare Bloom oozes bi-sexuality as Theo and Russ Tamblyn, in probably his most serious role, makes up the numbers. There is a good cameo from Lois Maxwell as Markway's wife and Rosalie Crutchley is the most sinister thing in it as the housekeeper Mrs Dudley, with deadpan delivery and a complete lack of any kind of emotion. It is still a very good film, it's just no longer scary and is of an age.

The Real Deal?

It seems that almost every week now I end up watching more shite than good programmes and this week was no real exception. From average TV blockbusters, to things I didn't even bother finishing to crap comicbook films to one-time classic cinema that has dated like year-old bread, so what a way to finish off a largely crap week of telly; with a 1986 Arnold Schwarzenegger film that was so bad it makes one wonder how he became anything more than a one-hit wonder after Terminator. 

Raw Deal really is a load of shit. Arnie plays a small town sheriff, who used to be in the FBI but lost his job because he was a little too handy with his fists and guns. He gets approached by Darren McGavin, an ex-FBI colleague who offers him the unlikely proposition of going rogue and helping bring down the Chicago mob by pretending to be a crook, infiltrating said mob and bringing them down from the inside, but in a Alias Smith & Jones twist, Arnie has to fake his own death and then has to become a mob enforcer without any back-up or safety net with only a vague promise that he might get his old job back. Obviously this sounds too good to be true and Arnie fakes his own death and becomes a mobster, in what can only be called the most PG rated mob movie ever made - almost in homage to the aforementioned 1970s TV show, Arnie works his way up in the mob by literally killing nobody, that is until the end when he kills everybody. Things you need to understand about this film as it is currently featuring as a late night Film4 thing is that Arnie couldn't act in those early films and he really couldn't. This film has Sam Wannamaker in it - as the mob boss - this is a serious actor with serious awards and film roles in his past and even he can't make it rise above piss poor at best. The aforementioned McGavin - you know, Night Stalker - dials in his role and is as convincing as someone trying to sell you London Bridge and the action sequences... I don't really know what to say about them apart from there isn't much action, even when guns are involved. This is a woefully inadequate action film that I hadn't seen for 37 years and will never see again.

Why did I watch it? I'm kind of stumped about that. I see movies on Film4 and ITV4, films from my youth, most of which are an enormous disappointment, but I think 'I'll have some nostalgia and relive great films from when I was in my 20s or 30s,' but what I actually get is a reminder that film and TV even a little as 20 years ago could be utter bull's tits. Obviously, that's not to say that film and TV isn't still but even modern shit films and TV isn't as bad as this.

Next Time...

Who really cares? You'll get what I watch and have to suffer/enjoy it or you won't bother. I think I only do this now to see how inventive I can get with my reviews.