I haven't written a blog in ages...
That's got a lot to do with the fact that Blogger, which I have used for best part of the last 20 years has become unbelievably shit and extremely difficult to use. It's like Google decided that blogs were redundant so they were going to make Blogger as un-user-friendly as possible and offer absolutely no support at all.
I decided to look for an alternative. I'm not really sure why; I sometimes think I use blogs as a practice medium to prove I still know how to type and after searching through the internet for a viable alternative I realised that they were all pretty much NOT FREE. Anyone who knows me will know I like free things; with the exception of drugs, alcohol and food I really don't like spending any money at all...
So, despite the fact the 'new-look' Blogger barely works and has all the features Notepad has on your PC and less; I've decided that as my audience has dwindled from thousands to half a dozen, what is the fucking point?
I have, at the moment, 11 draft blogs. I'm toying with the idea of just scheduling them to be published in April 2062, to celebrate my 100th birthday and surprise anyone who is still alive that I've just reappeared in their social media feeds despite having been dead for yonks... Oddly enough, at least three of those drafts are about my penchant for procrastination! Imagine that?
This year, COVID aside, we've seen Twitter fuck itself up with a layout change that is just awful. Google (of which Blogger is a part of) has revamped everything in what can only be described as a massive 'fuck you' to anyone who has ever used any of their apps before and there's Facebook, which has stayed relatively the same for the last 8 years, but decided to revamp everything and redesign its look in what must have been devised by Mark Zuckerberg's anus - which, I've been told, has more personality than the world's richest autistic wanker.
Remember that old adage: if it aint broke don't fix it? That appears to have been condemned to the bin along with common sense and general human respect. I could bang on about the pandemic, but what's the point? I can't do anything about it apart from 'my bit', which, for some people [read: cockwombles], doing their 'bit' is tantamount to be asked to anally rape their own children.
It's why I'm now publicly advocating an end to social media. The world is considerably more fucking horrible than it was 20 years ago and even then the first signs of the rise of the cunt had started. It was in 2000 that someone should have said, 'This is going to make the world a horrible, divided place, worse than any world war' and switched the fucker off.
So everything is fucked and the pubs have to close at 10pm. Our government is making shit up as they go along and I expect the USA is going to burn, probably before we get a deal to eat their chlorinated chicken. I'm worrying about the mental health of many of my friends, even some I hardly know. It's funny that...
Turnips! It's the way forward, I tells you.
But you've always hankered to be a misanthropic old git, what's the problem? - says my subconscious in an attempt to make sense of everything. Yes, but have I? I might have been deliberately trying to confuse myself.
The world has to carry on, even if billionaires lose all their money and have to eat discarded shellfish. Jeff Bezos losing a hundred billion of his hundreds of billions of quids is not going to bring about the fall of humanity - we're doing that without the help of selfish cuntish billionaires.
You've got a few options: kill everyone; don't kill everyone; kill yourself; respect people even if they're massive arseholes. Do you know the best way to deal with massive arseholes? Ignore the fuck out of them.
Or maybe you ridicule them in non-sequiturial ways. If someone says COVID is a lie or a conspiracy, reply by saying you saw their cat buying porn from Ethiopians; or that you're convinced it was that person offering to show schoolgirls their tiny penis in exchange for Smarties. Treat arseholes with the surreality they deserve. Invent words and blame them for it. Make up the most extravagant lies you can imagine and then tell people it was the cockwomble's idea, you saw them post it on a 'I love to fuck goats' Facebook page. Treat them with the disdain and stupid humour they deserve, because you're not going to win, so ridicule the fuck out of these worthless cum stains.
It might be the only way to make the unending shit of everything more tolerable. Or it won't. Who cares any more? Just don't have a wank in the street.
