My Cultural Life - Joy and Dog Poo In the Woods

What's Up?

You know you live in Britain when pop stars or celebrities who condemn what the Israeli Defence Force are doing get labelled 'terrorists' themselves. The problem the government, the press and their lackeys haven't cottoned on to is that most of the general public feel the same way as the pop stars and celebs. No one believes the bullshit coming from the people who are so clearly owned or have been bought by Jewish money. I'm sorry, that was anti-Semitic. I meant to say Zionist money. Oh yeah, it's anti-Semitic to say that as well. In fact you can't criticise Israel or the fucking Nazi cunts running their country without being accused of anti-Semitism, which we'd call racism if we were talking about anyone else. We've had to treat them differently since the Holocaust and we're not allowed to point out that what they now do to Palestinians is as bad as what Hitler did to Jews during WW2. The weird thing is there was this saying that accompanied the liberation of the concentration camps; that saying was NEVER AGAIN. Presumably, for a nation of people hellbent on repeating all of the mistakes their most recent oppressors made, they could do with a few lessons on how to ensure Never Again, never happens again...

If I die in mysterious circumstances in the coming weeks, don't whatever you do mention this blog...

In the Woods

Last year, I reviewed The Bear as an entire season breaking down each episode into its own paragraph, but because of how it fell, I've watched two episodes last week and the rest will undoubtedly be below these words... I kind of wish it would be released weekly over ten weeks because sometimes there's simply too much to talk about. This is the case with the third episode, which starts with Carmy totally accepting Syd's new scallop invention without criticism and nothing but superlatives; she's made up by it and seeing Ayo Edebiri smile is a thing of genuine beauty. Then this new, calmer and caring, Carmy spreads himself across his staff, being there to help, praise and mentor them without blowing a gasket. This ultimately leads to him going to Clare - his ex - and having a heart to heart with her. It might not have gone the way he wanted, but it did happen and I'd say there's reason to be hopeful that the missing component in his life might be coming back. And telling you this in no way should it spoil it for you because this is just the skin covering the meat of the show. Plus there was a lot of Donna (Jamie Leigh Curtis) and whenever Donna is in this show the chaos and drama is never too far away. This is so superb I'm running out of superlatives...

We ploughed through a big chunk on Sunday night, leaving us just four episodes to go. Episode four is all about Syd and her dilemma, it's pretty much a standalone episode for Edebiri and it ends with her seemingly making a decision about Carmy over Shapiro. Episode five was one of those unique to The Bear things, where the entire episode is like a staccato piece of music; short, sharp dips in and out of a day in the restaurant, with no one being the focus of the show - the perfect mid season point type episode, really. It's with episode six that you begin to see how the rest of the series is going to go. I'm not giving anything away. There is a scene with Neil Fak realising that one of the customers over the last few weeks has been coming in regular and leaving a different name all the time... 

The 7th episode, which is the customary long one is over an hour of gentle Berzatto family confrontations and humour. A completely polar opposite from the family episode from season two. It takes place at Richie's ex-wife's wedding to Josh Hartnett (in character) and it's another one of those snap shots of a dysfunctional family uniting. It was littered with the usual high profile guest stars, such as Sarah Paulson, Brie Larson, Bob Odenkirk and Jamie Leigh Curtis and we might have witnessed the rekindling of Carmy and Claire's romance.

Watching the two penultimate episodes of season four it dawned on me that I'm probably watching the final episodes of one of the best TV shows I HAVE EVER WATCHED, because I can't see there being an season five because so much has been wrapped up or is in the process of being wrapped up. All that remains for the last episode is whether The Bear, the restaurant, is going to remain open - the question being asked since season two. This has been what season four has been ostensibly about; everything else has just been 'other stuff' that needed dealing with. The 40th episode (and final?) of a story that started with Carmy returning to his brother's sandwich shop to pick up the pieces of Mikey's tragic death could end with Mikey, indirectly being key in the future of the restaurant. The season finale was essentially a three-hander which was jam-packed full of emotions, anger and all the reasons that have made this such a brilliant TV show. It might be the end of the line, and if it is it's a fitting ending, there might be a fifth season because you might argue there's one unresolved issue. If it is the end then thank it for being superb, for being the glimmering jewel in a sometimes soup bowl of shite. If you've never watched The Bear then it's your great loss.

Tear-Jerking Nail Biter

I get it. Most of the people who read this blog probably don't like football, but you'd have to be some cold and callous hater if you didn't find the finale of Welcome to Wrexham to be one of the most wonderful documentaries on TV. The conclusion of the fourth season should have been all about them gaining the prestigious back to back to back promotions - something no other club has achieved (the mighty Northampton Town came close in the 1960s) - but in this show's inimitable fashion it instead focused on a 12-year-old fan who is fighting for his life against leukaemia and what the club do to support the kid and his family. Honestly people, this might be a series about a football club but if Wrexham doesn't become your favourite team - or more likely second favourite team - then you have a heart of ice. A show where Ryan Reynolds should be the star but is constantly usurped by Rob McElhenney and his heart the size of a planet. This finale will have left very few people with dry eyes by the end.

Explanations?

Another 17 minute episode. This show is literally a weekly set up and main scene then it stops. Yet Murderbot this week started to explain what has been happening. I like this show, but I've found it challenging because of the run time alone. Anyhow, this week we find out that Sec Unit refers to himself internally as Murderbot. Gurathin continues to be so obstinately an arsehole that you have to wonder if he's the bad guy here trying to disguise this fact by acting like the bad guy and arsehole and Sec Unit finally takes control and the space hippies (or at least most of them) begin to realise that the android is actually on their side even if he's not sure himself.

Seriously though , when you have a ten-part series and the first eight parts have almost 20 minutes of material per episode it's difficult to think of new headings or things to say about it. However, when the penultimate episode is over 25 minutes long, that extra five minutes is a remarkable thing. This week's Murderbot broke with convention to enable the space hippies and Sec Unit to devise a plan to escape. We find out about the strange thing that Mensah saw in episode three and meet the people who have been terrorising them. Murderbot has a secret plan but he's neglected to tell the humans because he knew they'd screw it up for them all. I'm thinking the final part very short but in general this has been an enjoyable if a bit weird series.

I See Fire

To be honest, the opening episode of Smoke from Apple TV+ was... okay. I know there's a lot of vibes about this series about arson investigators, loosely based on a series of podcasts, but the opener felt a little half-baked [ahem]. Maybe it's because the two main characters, played by Taron Egerton and Jurnee Smollett are portrayed in such a passive aggressive way, full of bullish experience and useful knowledge. Eggerton's Dave Gudsen wants to be a writer and is so good at his job he has two serial arsonists running around his town. Smollett's Michelle Calderon is being punished for breaking off an extra-marital affair with her captain and this is as low as he can send her. Dave is happily married but it doesn't stop him looking at the athletic Michelle like he'd like to make the beast with two backs with her and all the time we have an arsonist who targets the crisp sections of supermarkets and another who utilises used vegetable oil to burn down houses and things he's envious of.

However, it's the second episode that so full of WTF moments you almost have to check yourself to make sure you're still awake. Nothing in this series is what it seems and when Calderon - a supposedly good cop - does something remarkably fucking stupid you start to wonder where this series is going, especially as it is following the story that was detailed in a true crime podcast; so there isn't much in the way of artistic licence at play here. However, as you marvel at the unbelievable goings on of the police officer, the end of the episode delivers one of those sucker punch things that make you wonder how this is going to last three episodes let alone nine. There is a genuine jaw dropping, I didn't see that coming, moment that will make this series all the more worthwhile. I totally get why the reviews I've read are all over this like a rash...

Thunderpants?

The second MCU box office flop of the year is actually a half decent movie, even if it feels oddly paced at times and not really a Marvel movie. What we did get to see is how they literally showed the entire film apart from the denouement in trailers leading up to the release of this feature. The scenes in the place they meet Bob; the limousine scene, the Watchtower scene, the Void's entrance - all are covered in the trailers and they are the main set pieces leading up to the finale. The trailers pretty much gave us an out of chronology outline of this film - they were teases of each major set piece with some of the spaces in between. It makes you wonder about the purpose of trailers or releasing clips prior to release. In the end it detracted from the movie's possible impact. 

Anyhow, this movie never dwelt on the issues that could have bogged it down and if Florence Pugh was the star of the film then that was a gamble that worked as far as I'm concerned. Pugh is fine as Yelena; a good 21st century hero, not white, not black but never really grey. The premise is relatively simple; all of the powered and non-powered individuals recruited by Val de Fontaine over the years have been hired to kill each other at a secret facility. No one knew Bob was going to be there, not even Bob. Yelena, Taskmaster, John Walker and Ghost quickly realise they've been set up and team-up to escape. This brings them into contact with Bucky Barnes, now a US Congressman, and the Red Guardian. Eventually it builds to the inevitable confrontation with Val and her new sidekick, Super Bob. 

This was different. It had no big battle scenes and didn't suffer for it. The disparity between Sentry and everyone else was a bit Superman-ish and if I had to criticise the film it would be that considering it was just over two hours long, you're halfway through it without much happening at all. Normally this would be a good thing, it would suggest the film is interesting without having to be all pyrotechnics and soul searching. However, apart from some dialogue to fill in people who hadn't seen any of the films or TV shows that most of the cast emerged from, not a lot happens aside from Yelena's unhappiness. There is a sense of superficiality, which doesn't help matters and while I enjoyed it far more than any of the last few films, I can see why audiences were poor. There isn't really a focal character you want to get behind and the actual proper villain is essentially a huckster. I'm not sure introducing Sentry was a good idea, especially with a reboot around the corner. I'm still going to give this movie a 7.5/10. It's second viewing may well be its defining moment.

Assisted Dying

Anthony Hopkins was 77 when he made this film; Jeffrey Dean Morgan probably hadn't been cast as Negan in the Walking Dead and Abbie Cornish was one of the eye candy in Sucker Punch, the Zack Snyder film many people conveniently forget. They were the three main stars in Solace a film about a serial killer with a special ability and the FBI specialist, who just happens to be a psychic brought in to try and help capture him. It sounds far fetched and to be honest Cornish's anguished and overblown acting didn't help, but this turned out to be a very intriguing and brutal movie; one that was well worth watching and one we thought we'd seen before, but perhaps were put off of it for a reason that is a decade old and long forgotten. While this is a film about a serial killer it's also one about death as well and the relationship between the killer and the dying. Colin Farrell, as usual, is superb in it - he rarely makes a dodgy movie - and it's all tied together extremely well, making it hard to believe everything you just watched took place in 100 minutes. It might have been a little far-fetched but it wasn't trying to be anything other than a cracking thriller. 8/10

Heads on Sticks

Seriously, it's not often I'm lost for words, but after sitting through Heads of State I found myself looking and sounding like a fish out of water. I remember turning to the wife and saying something about it being appalling, but in general I was left with the overwhelming feeling of how do I convey just how fucking awful, non-sensical and unfunny this action comedy was. There was so much wrong with it; so, so much. Like that load of horse shit I watched a few months back with Viola Davis as a kick-ass ex Green Beret women President who singlehandedly takes out a terrorist attack in a film that was so bad I forgot its name. Well, this was much worse. John Cena plays the POTUS - a former action hero who everybody loves. Idris Elba plays the British PM, who has been in post six years and is sliding in the polls. Priyanka Chopra-Jonas plays an MI5 agent and also love interest of the PM and Paddy Considine plays a Russian arms dealer who appears to be able to circumvent everything and everyone... When people make films like this have they any idea of the small armies that accompany the likes of the President and every other head of state? Or do they think that the people in charge of countries take a couple of bodyguards and fuck all else? This felt like it was made by a UK production company, there were only really about three actual American actors in it and was probably filmed in Bulgaria, where its cheap. This was execrable. It was dog shit in between your toes. It is a cold bag of vomit poured down the front of your face. If you watch it you will know this, but you will have had to watch it to realise how right I am. 1/10. 

* The Guardian gave this FOUR stars out of Five. The Guardian is a fucking joke**.

An Aside

** In 2023 when The Sandman premiered on Netflix, the Guardian was all over it like a rash. They loved it, calling it 'thinking person's fantasy' and hailing it as one of Netflix's best ever shows. In 2025, with many unpleasant allegations directed at Sandman creator Neil Gaiman, the second series, which was finished a while back, finally dropped. The ever populist Guardian, always contrary and annoying, thinks the new series is awful and all the things it liked about season one it now hates. Now, I can't remember if I really liked season one (I think I did), but I will say I wasn't a fan of Gaiman when it was released because I've never really been a fan of his work, but I didn't let that sour my feelings towards the show. It's clear from The Guardian's two star review that this was a review about Neil Gaiman and not the show. I will review The Sandman next week.

Ironfart

It is possible that a first might be achieved. The first MCU/Disney TV show that I have given up on before I've finished watching it. Ironheart didn't get a bad review last week, at least it wasn't as bad as, say, Heads of State, but after watching the fourth part of this awful TV series, I couldn't face watching the fifth and sixth parts. In fact I opted for the above mentioned shite film, which despite it getting a 1/10 score, I enjoyed marginally more than Ironheart. There is just so much wrong with this series, from the fact we have a literal genius on the same level as Tony Stark and Shiri from Wakanda, who decides to team up with bad guys to make some money, when she could have gone to any company in the world and have money pissed all over her. Maybe it's the characters and mish-mash of technology and magic, or possibly the tone of the entire thing, which just felt wrong. I see why Disney dropped all six episodes over the space of two weeks. What I can't see is why they bothered at all. Surely trashing the thing would have been better? I may never watch the last two parts. It might be something that I look back on in the future and think I'm glad I didn't do that because I saved enough time to have one more massive wank...

Super Man

The biggest drawback with Hancock, the 2008 'superhero' movie with Will Smith, Charlize Theron and the fabulous Jason Bateman is the plot/story. As an concept it's quite brilliant with some really funny set pieces, but the rather stodgy and difficult to believe reasons for it are what drag this down. There are some dodgy special effects, but in general they're pretty good and it never really dwells too long on anything, preferring to rat-a-tat-tat its way through the first hour. It's Charlize Theron's Mary who's the real problem; once you find out who and what she is you have to wonder why she settled for essentially a bleeding heart Liberal whose career as a PR man is obviously on the wane. This is Jason Bateman's role, as a man whose life is saved by the titular hero Hancock and feels it's his job to reinvent the superhero who causes more trouble than he solves, is permanently drunk and doesn't remember who or what he is.

Once we delve into the whys and wherefores of Hancock and then the history of the character, the holes start to appear and boy are they big enough to throw a Hulk through. The thing is this is a laugh out loud movie at times; the opening half is light hearted but violent and has a definite arc that is easy to follow. Once the film has lost that 'innocence' and starts to go down the actual road it's supposed to take it loses its way. It becomes quite a dark and tragic story that is dealt with in an almost tonally wrong way. That's not to say it isn't a good feature, one that gets shown on TV somewhere most years. I got the impression that it could have been a defining superhero 'parody' had it a slightly better story, one that can't be picked apart with little scrutiny. Still worth a 7/10 though.

Old Shite 2

17 years after Hancock, Charlize Theron, stuffed full of Botox, collagen and all manner of lifts was back in a sequel to a relatively trashy Netflix film from a few years ago. The Old Guard 2 is a sequel we managed about ten minutes before I called time on and stopped it. We'd forgotten most of the original and this didn't do enough to remind us of what happened - I suppose as it's on Netflix, they just thought you'd go and watch the first film again and carry on with this like nothing else happened. Anyhow, it was poorly acted and we didn't watch enough to know what it was going to be about, but as it was so bad we didn't need to. It would be nice if one of these streaming platforms actually made a decent film rather than this kind of junk.

Phone Dump

We ended a mixed week with a pretty dreadful thriller. Starring no one we'd ever heard of, although the wife remembered Brandon Sklenar from a TV series we stopped watching; Drop was one of those films where after 45 minutes you're wondering how the fuck they're going to string it out for another 45 minutes. It's one of those movies where you start wondering why everyone in the film is behaving the way they are and I'm not talking about the main protagonist - played by Meghann Fahy - but almost every other character. Everything is done in such a way as to try and bestow melodrama and it kind of fails. Essentially, Fahy's character Violet is the survivor of an abusive relationship who is going on her first date in five years, with a photographer who works for the mayor and anything else I tell you will spoil it and where I thought this film was a load of shite, some of you might watch it and not want to know how it pans out. Suffice it to say, she is being manipulated by an unknown drop caller to do his evil bidding and she's managing to stall it to stretch the film out to 90 minutes. It's not very good; you could drive a truck full of Hulks through some of the plot holes and as a who's doing it thriller, it does have its merits. But, really, I should have watched something more interesting instead. 4/10

What's Up Next?

This coming Friday, Superman hits the cinemas. My go to Marvel heroes were always The Hulk and the Fantastic Four (long before I became an X-Men nut) and my main DC man was Superman, so this summer it's the battle of two of my favourites as the Man of Steel takes on Marvel's First Family at the box office. Do I have a preference? No, I want them both to be a success, but if you had to push me I'd say I wanted Superman to win, because he's Superman, purely and simply...

Next week we'll watch The Sandman to see if the Guardian is right (it won't be) and there'll be something new to moan about. Wimbledon will still be on, as will several football tournaments and probably cycling, Scottish football, golf and cricket to make the annual summer of sport whizz past in a flurry of old films and shit TV shows we'd ordinarily never watch.

As always...