Thursday, June 18, 2009

UFOs

It's late. I have to get up in the morning because I'm actually getting out of the house for a few hours, yet I don't feel tired at all (might have something to do with finding it increasingly difficult to get comfortable in the bed).

I've been 'off sick' for the last month. The quotation marks around off sick are there because I'm not actually sick. It's these blasted bones of mine and in particular the shoulder from hell. Had an MRI on it because it's been giving me so much grief - still waiting, over 3 weeks, for the results. I can't really drive - so, as a consequence, my shiny new car has less than 100 miles on the clock and the wife is responsible for two-thirds of those. Everyone at the local surgery seems to think I'm going under the knife, regardless and, to be honest, at times, if that's going to solve the problem, then I'll pick the friggin' scalpel blades!

The shoulder is also the reason I haven't been blogging. It fucks me off unbelievably that I have all this time and yet I can't sit and type for more than twenty minutes max without my left shoulder screaming a Lena Lovitch song at me, at 500 decibels and out of time... I could be writing... Anything! But my output has been limited to a short story that I have no ending for, status updates on Facebook and, er, um...

There you have it, in a nutshell. I'm stuck at home, completely lucid. My shoulder pain makes my arthritis seem like a feather tickle. I sit and watch TV. I surf the net. I play Texas Hold'em and Scrabble and I've learnt to cook using only one hand. I have watched some truly dreadful films - I went through a patch a couple of weeks ago where I decided that I was going to download a number of films I remember from the 80s, either banned or really nasty. I downloaded - Last House on the Left, The Little Girl Who Lived Down the Lane, Evil Dead, I Spit on Your Grave and Cannibal Holocaust.
LHOTL was Wes Craven's d├ębut feature I believe. It was banned. One can only presume because of the intent, because even the most uncut version I could find was slightly laughable.
TLGWLDTL is actually a really good one-set play. It's a little contrived, but Martin Sheen exudes creepy, even if his character is so stereotypical he's risible.
ED is fucking awesome.
ISOYG is a truly dreadful piece of film making with little or no redeeming features - it even tries to give itself some sense of justification when all it is is exploitative shite. That scene still makes me wince though...
CH pisses all over The Blair Witch Project; in fact, if it wasn't for some bad dubbing and some naff acting, Cannibal Holocaust is actually a really good, but thoroughly nasty, bit of film making. There's a lot wrong with this film, but those are outweighed by a spanking good story and some truly worrying scenes.

Next week, because I can't see me going back to work yet, I intend to download some Hollywood musicals. I've also tracked down Jacques Tati's Trafic, which I hope is as good as I remember it.

****

That was last week and this is now. Still no MRI results. I have driven the car though, because I'm swimming as often as possible now. Or at least I'm doing my own variation of aqua aerobics and it helps with the arthritis and it helps me actually move this dead piece of meat I carry with me.

But, enough of this maudlin self pity, there's sunshine on the agenda. Football is over (sort of) for a whole 8 weeks, so we can entertain dreams of winning the Ashes and despite all the aches and pains - the sex is great!

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