Monday, December 13, 2021

Hah Bumhug - Phil's Christmas Message

"Christmas is something that should be held like the Olympics. Every four years, in some other fuckers country" is probably my most creative description of my general disdain for Christmas. It's largely down to three things - age, time and no children and therefore no grandchildren. For many years Christmas represented that midwinter break where we did fuck all and felt zero guilt or remorse. When I used to lie in, it was a group of days where I could simply lounge, but in the grand scheme of things I've usually viewed the day itself as like a Sunday but very quiet, with nearly all the shops shut.

It's also a period where we have to suffer looking back over the previous year as the media and communications industry slaps itself on the back (backs?). Remembering everyone who's died. Christmas specials. Whamageddon. Fucking cheerful people. Well, bad syntax, but you know what I mean. The Festive Season brings an entire train of anything you can shoehorn into the Holiday banner. Do you know, someone said to me the other day that Elf was a Christmas Classic Film© and I've never, ever, seen it and NO. I have no intention of seeing it. It's on my not to see list along with Titanic, Moulin Rouge and any Fast & Furious film. But, A Christmas Classic? If it makes someone happy and it's not starting a war, but... you know... Elf? 

It's all part of the getting-into-the-spirit thing that apparently is infectious - a bit like COVID - and before you know it we have a pandemic of happiness all around, shining through the dark nights and making us all lovely human beings again - for one night only - before we return to our Grinch-like hovels waiting for the moment we can take it all down because you'll be finding pine needles in your knickers in August. 

The thing is, I get it. It's why there are 60 odd midwinter festivals throughout the world and its numerous cultures and religions. They all started long before we invented God; midwinter represented a turning point but also a very low point - the three weeks either side of the solstice are often the grimmest and despite the worst months of winter usually still to come, the sun gets higher in the sky and subconsciously we start to think of spring and not just the relentless dullness of existence...

The idea of festivals was around long before fairy tales and the idea of festivals was to bring a little lightness, some relief, some thanks that for the sun coming back and it won't be long before we can go back to another year of relentless grind and misery to do it all again next year. It's human existence, ennit?

I believe I marvelled at Christmas in my earliest years because it was in Canada, it was always snowy and the streets looked like hundreds of Santa's grottos one after the other. Christmas on Canadian streets in the late 1960s was ignorant of the concept of light pollution and it was magical. It's probably why I have soft spots for Charlie Brown's Christmas, Burl Ives and White Christmas because I associate them with a time when I saw it through a child's eyes. I think people who embrace Christmas in ludicrous extremes are just capable of recreating or continuously attempting to recreate a time when their lives were so much simpler. If the worst thing that happened each year was the family row at Christmas, then invite as many living family members as possible.

The thing is there are a few things that are easily excusable about not enjoying Christmas. People who have lost loved ones. Those in abusive relationships. The people who are alone and have no one to share a small part of their lives with. People of different religions and cultures. It's why the term 'Happy Holidays' is used, despite it actually being invented by a Jewish card manufacturer, who got fed up with Christmas being seen as more important that Hanukkah or any of the other festivals different people celebrate and created the term so it was seen as ALL INCLUSIVE rather than an attempt to ban Christmas. Only idiots, xenophobes and cunts think that.

The concluding week or so of December should be spent as close to the things we love as humanly possible or whatever the most appropriate alternative is because I can't believe there are people out there who wouldn't want to see every person, good or bad, black or white have a moment of joy and peace sharing with someone else? I mean, we're entering, if not in, the sixth extinction event and by the time it's finished there'll only be about 5% of humanity left and today's disgruntled present receivers will be grateful for simply finding a 30-year-old tin of prunes in 31 years time...

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