Warnings of spoilers are accurate...
Did you know that an anagram of Wakanda Forever is Wank Ada Forever.
I really wanted to like this film, but almost from the opening scenes I realised I wasn't going to. I found the way T'Challa's death was handled while the women of Wakanda were doing their things all a little too badly matched; in fact the opening half an hour felt all over the place and I'm not sure it managed to sort its bearings out at all.
I have massive problems with the whole Black Panther/Wakanda thing because it depicts this small, incredibly powerful country as being completely uninterested in the plight of the rest of their continent. Before T'Challa tried to reunify the country with the rest of the world, it hid itself away and lived its affluent life while parts of Africa starved. It didn't share its technology with the rest of the world and had a secret army that operated above the laws of the rest of the planet. Now, the country feels like its been mind-melded with a disgruntled control freak right wing chav - complaining about the rest of the world wanting its part of Wakanda, not being happy at being part of international espionage and world politics. It all smacks of privilege, but what makes it worse is it smacks of black privilege on a continent where inequalities are normal.
Plus why should I feel any sympathy or affinity with a royal family? They might rule over the richest and most equal country in the world, but I'm betting they still have shop assistants and people wiping a pensioner's arse? Do they all get paid the same as the doctors, lawyers or politicians? Is Wakanda really a place of equality and equity? There is so much wrong with the idea of Wakanda, especially as it promotes separatism and in a strange way nationalism. However, despite first impressions of Wakanda being a hologram of how they wanted the rest of the world to see their country, they still existed and people knew of Wakanda, as far north as Latveria or Sakovia.
However, that said, I think I have more of a problem with an entire race of amphibians co-existing alongside the human race and an organisation such as the CIA who think the Wakandans are to blame for the shit happening because they don't know about Namor and his underwater pranksters despite knowing everything. I'm sorry, but it needs to be asked: where were these Atlantians when Thanos was kicking earth's butt? Did 50% of them disappear during The Snap? Plus, how come they have armies that outnumber the Wakandans, but the plucky rich Africans managed to hold their own against most of Thanos's minions - where were these armies when there was a Celestial emerging from the planet's core? Where were these armies when the planet's welfare has been at risk?
What we have here is a case of general misunderstanding, a lot of scene setting for next year's Thunderbolts film, an unusually morally ambiguous antagonist, more deaths than you can shake a stick at and it all felt bolted together. Like a six-part TV show made into a film.
Now that we have Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner in the MCU; my vote would be for him to disappear inside whatever underwater castle he lives in and not come out again. Let's not talk of underwater people and the crimes they commit, ever again. This is a comicbook character with almost as much history as Captain America; someone who, despite his loyalty to 'Atlantis', fought with the USA against the Nazis in the 1940s and essentially a popular supporting guest star in the comics universe whenever he wasn't doing his own thing. Now he's kind of depicted as a sociopath, who is prepared to go to extreme lengths to protect his people and his birth right. But what are these extreme lengths? Especially as I touched upon, hasn't been seen by anyone in 500 years.
There's a subplot featuring Riri Williams who makes her own armour using some new energy source. She's actually developed a vibranium detector because all the world's biggest nations want vibranium and subsequently Riri becomes a targeted young woman. She's also the equivalent of a 19-year-old black Tony Stark although her Iron Heart armour is more Power Rangers than Downey Junior and you start to wonder why Marvel/Disney is doing this.
Why have they decided to wander down the route they're choosing rather than just having a relatively easy to follow multi-part franchise using an algorithm that works - the method in which they made the original 23 films. I don't know if Iron Heart is a popular comic, but I'm struggling to understand why she even exists, especially if you consider that Tony Stark might be dead but his technology isn't; his company's ability to manufacture suits is still in place, Pepper Potts/Stark has her armour and the MCU has this multi-national company that's not contributing to the universe it helped found.
The thing is I'm sure I'll watch it again in a couple of years and appreciate it more, but it felt overly long (at 150+ minutes it is) and was, at times, really dull. It didn't feel like a linear narrative despite it being just that and Shuri not only became an arguably more powerful Black Panther than her brother ever could be, she also has developed a stable super soldier serum that the greatest minds in war science have failed repeatedly to do since the birth of Captain America, that acts in seconds and doesn't bulk you up. Does Letitia Wright make a good BP? Yeah, I suppose so. I think the real question is whether this film was even necessary.
Yet so much in this film felt wrong - from Okoye being ostracised to the 'introduction' of the 'Pantherettes' - Shuri's mates in funky battle armour like a cross between Predator and those Mighty Morphin Power wassnames. Angela Bassett losing her shit; Martin Freeman feeling as though he was in a different film, to some really painful dialogue. The waste of Winston Duke's talents and lowering him to sounding like a slightly barbaric misogynist - loads of things in this film felt like they were done wrong. In fact, one of the few things that was handled reasonably well was Chad Boseman's absence. Although did anyone else notice that his funeral was different from his father's and their mother's was also very different?
Wakanda for all your free form funeral needs!
The most disappointing thing for me was the fact I had zero expectations. I've never understood the love Black Panther got, so I wasn't coming into this with any expectations at all and the fact I was even more disappointed by it than I thought I would be was a bit of a kicker. We all have had that party or social gathering we don't want to go to but can't avoid and it ends up being a cracking night; part of the reason it does is your own expectations. Imagine approaching something you feel is not going to be very good and walking away feeling like you've been short-changed? I won't say I was crushingly disappointed but this was a film that needed some humour, some brevity, some suspense, a coherent story with believable characters and one that leaves you with a renewed sense of feeling your investment in the MCU is justified. I want that from the MCU and I've never given them a penny; I can't imagine what people paying to see shite like this would feel if they'd been IMaxed or some such.
Now it's all about Ant-Man and just how deep and 'plot episode' that is and when we're ultimately disappointed by that it's time for more Guardians - another part of the franchise I've struggled to love. They're all right, but Volume 2 was a load of horse wank compared to the first film and even that struggled when they weren't in prison. Obviously Guardians is also going to be huge disappointment and with Marvels rounding off the year and that has Brie Larson - who every Incel in the world refuses to have a wank over - and a Pakistani girl and a black woman... They might as well call it Marvels: Not Like Being Wanked Off.
I should just not watch MCU film. What is the point? I feel as though I'm waiting for the impossible to happen and each instalment takes me a few miles further away from the impossible happening. Perhaps I'd have felt better had this actually been called Black Panther: Wank Ada Forever and was just a two hour porn film of a man in a BP suit pleasuring a woman called Ada for what seems like an entire millennia. I would have got what I didn't pay for and it would be exactly what it said on the tin.
No comments:
Post a Comment