Coronation Musings

I suppose, seeing as I've virtually retired, long weekends have no real impact on me, but living where we live I've noticed for the last six years that bank holidays are a thing other places in the UK have; when you live in a rural part of the UK every day is a business day, apart from three or four.

There have been a lot of coronation events taking place all over the country, while things such as the transport network, hospitals and many other public and private sector workers have had to work instead of enjoying the time off, or even the crowning of a new monarch. I think people need to realise, especially when people like NHS workers are on strike that yet another sacrifice these people make is having to work while the rest of us get pissed for King and country.

Street parties and community events, which were so popular and common until the mid 1960s and made a triumphant return in 1977, depend on communities and the majority of people being united about something. I saw people on social media yesterday bemoaning the fact they're not doing something in their neighbourhood because of the people who are 'anti-British'. I don't know what they thought these anti-British people would have done if the moaners had gone and organised a community event and just not invited the Republicans, but most of the people on social media moaning about people who didn't support the King were probably watching the Coronation in their underpants with their phones or tablets at the ready so they can comment - in the derogatory - about something that makes them think everybody else will think they're the bee's knees and the godfather of wit.

I do worry that my ambivalence and lapses towards showing both sides of the story in the King versus Country or whatever the argument is might be detrimental to how some people on social media see me, but I'm neither one nor the other. As one of those few people in the world who neither dislikes or particularly likes Marmite, I feel the same way about most of the Royals. Marmite has its place in whatever place it inhabits in my world; I find it useful for somethings and I would touch it for others. That's how I see the Royals.

I do sound like a republican sometimes. I mean, I think it's disgusting that the tax payer had to foot the £125m+ bill to watch a man in his 70s and worth an estimated £1billion have a priceless artefact placed on his head when he could have contributed at least £100m and done his public standing the power of good. The good PR from paying for all or most of his own coronation would have silenced republicans for years, instead in a time of a real cost of living crisis, with food prices spiralling out of control we blew £125m on something we may have to repeat inside the next 20 years. The country's 2,584 food banks were open the day of the coronation.

I suppose the thing I struggle with the most is why did this event have to be the weekend after the local elections? Surely it would have been better either the previous weekend and add an extra day to the long weekend, or even move it to the end of the month and do the same? Possibly got really nice weather? It was down to the our government when this took place and they planned it to act as a dead cat for their own horror movie running concurrently with the coronation. The Royal family aren't in my eyes a group of people who should be used for political gain or obfuscation; they and it should be as far removed from politics as possible if the people they're going to depend on the support of in 30 years time haven't given up on the Windsors by the time William gets a crack at wearing the crown. 

Incidentally, there was an independent study carried out to see if the Royal family brought money into this country through tourism and promotion of the country on foreign visits. The money they 'make' is what their properties (and intellectual properties) earn from tourism, the actual family's contribution to incoming foreign trade has been negligible since the 1970s as communications and the global trading family started to happen. However, that said, the last thing I want in this country is an elected president because that way leads to utter madness, because this is Britain (I can't call it the United Kingdom any more because it will never be united again) we'll end up with a President Boris Johnson or have a modern equivalent of a President Jimmy Savile or even a President Katie Hopkins or Fiona Bruce - you can't help the people and who they might choose. The problem with presidents is they're not you or who you'd really want and most of them are politicians, i.e. mercenary cunts only in it for themselves. 

Presidents should be chosen at random. In a deep cellar in Whitehall a group of civil servants would sit around a table, waiting by the door is Hopkins; it's his job to do the deed when he reaches the destination chosen. The men round the table go through a series of things until they come to the conclusion that the president of Britain will come from Cambridgeshire. They then decide which town or city he or she should come from and they eventually decide on Wisbech. They turn to Hopkins and  one of them says the following; "The next president is or will be in Wisbech tomorrow from midday. You are to position yourself by the southern most town line, where the sign post is telling you to please drive carefully, and from there you will walk into the town counting each person who passes you or you pass until you reach person number 345, whoever that is will be the next President of the UK. The cameras will be following you, imagine this is a bit like that Challenge Anneka programme from the 80s. Go out there and do your country proud, Hopkins!"

The following day at a little after 12.40pm, six-year old Harley Quinn Edwards from the First Lady Juniors becomes our glorious leader. She will be joined in the Presidential Palace (Buck House) by her mother and her five siblings (by different fathers). They will be joined at the Palace by Harley's mum's drug dealer Darren and his personal hairdresser and part time 'fashion' model Binky. And obviously the Daily Mail won't have a bad word to say. No sir. Not one. 

You see, the future is fraught with scary thoughts, so we're probably better off sticking with who we have but maybe scale it back so anyone but direct family (Chas, William & his family) has to end up working in the States being former Royals and probably dining off it extremely well even if they do have to be in close proximity with the plebs for longer than they like (and Andrew can be offered to North Korea). 

None of this solves the fact that long weekends are okay if you work, but what if you don't? It's like having two Sundays and now with added fuck all on the telly if you don't fancy watching pageantry. The football season is coming to an end and while it can't come sooner the chasm it leaves for the next 12 weeks isn't filled by good weather, especially not on a Saturday afternoon in July when it's supposed to be lovely but an unforeseen monsoon has strayed into your region...

The wife's out back painting the refurbished shed; I've just about recovered fully from my six months of health hell, but I'm still incredibly out of shape. The man who despite having COPD could still walk two or three miles a day now struggles with two or three hundred yards. However, this is improving on an almost daily basis, I suppose getting back to the fitness levels I had now I'm firmly entrenched in my 60s is going to take longer than it once would have. The thing is she at least has found things to occupy her time. I could help her with the painting, but I'd only do it wrong. Tomorrow she intends to get out in the garden, so you can bet your life that it will rain.

You see I'm still quite confused as to why we needed another May bank holiday; that'll make it three this year, I'm betting if you'd have offered the average worker an extra bank holiday in October they'd bite your hand off. Three in May is just overkill; I know there's this belief that we may end up working four-day weeks in the future - to save energy, you won't work any less, you'll just cram more hours into less time - but if that happens you'd think the people who provide stuff to do would provide better stuff to do or have things on TV that we might want to watch. I think one of the 4 Stations has wall to wall Come Dine With Me on all day every day for the entire long weekend. That should be a capital offence, an act of treason - the cunts who did this should be beheaded.

Anyhow, from what I saw of Chuck & Cammy's big day, he looked a bit miserable, she looked like she couldn't quite believe she about to become a queen and every man over the age of 40 was looking at Penny Mordaunt and imagining their manfat dripping from her robust mammaries. Some anti-monarchists got arrested for buying coffee and were then released when it was all over, throwing open the question of whether the UK is now a police state, which is, of course, stupid. If this was a police state they'd shut me dow