The usual spoiler warnings apply, apart from...
Prestigious
All I will say about it is I feel it doesn't have a happy ending and justice - even if exacted by revenge - doesn't seem to prevail, although by the end it didn't really matter.
This is a movie about two magicians who once were quite friendly but whose rivalry - tempered by tragedy, a tragedy that needn't have happened - consumes them both to the point of obsession. Huge Ackman and Christian Bale are both superb as the warring magicians, but there are also great supporting roles for Michael Caine (he's 90 now, you know?), Scarlet Johansson, Rebecca Hall, Andy Serkis and David Bowie as Nicola Tesla. It's set at the turn of the 20th century and is full of twists that I really don't want to touch on because all of them make this extraordinary film even better still. It is a movie about secrets, lies, obsessions and one-upmanship that eventually leads to... well, it leads to a conclusion, one - like The Mousetrap - deserves to be seen or re-seen unadulterated. I feel that the conclusion is excellent, but it did leave me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth.
Benny Hill versus The Bogeyfish
Presumably the Chinese really loved The Meg because this felt like a cheap budget Jackie Chan rip-off with Jing Wu and added Jay-son Stay-fum innit and in it. It was one of those films where for the first hour it seemed to be taking itself as seriously as the script - presumably written by a blind and deaf brainless Albanian translator who couldn't speak Albanian - would allow, but suddenly became Carry On Jurassic Park, guest starring Benny Hill and a screaming - yes screaming - giant octopus.
Just why is Jay-son Stay-fum popular? He acts like most people taking a rough shit and he obviously knows his talents are stunted, so I suppose hats off to him for sticking with it and pocketing the obscene pay cheques he obviously gets - he presumably knows that at some point he won't have much of a career, unless Eastenders beckons as the long lost Mitchell brother, so he's pocketing whatever he can, while his face still works.
Honestly, I've seen pantomimes with more pathos than this and if it wasn't for the wanton cartoon violence and big monsters it could probably have been given a U certificate. It is just one minute after another of garbage and not even good garbage, more like stinky garbage with absolutely no redeeming features at all; like putting your hand in one of the vegetable draws in the fridge and pushing your finger into a parsnip that you forgot about and had been festering in there since March (which I did the other day and frankly it was more fun and pleasurable than this monstrous piece of rotting sushi).
A pox on anyone who thought this film was better than a 0 on IMDB. About as rancid a movie as you could possibly imagine and then covered in shit, bile and soiled underpants and then more shit. Utterly ghastly.
De Gamle Gudene
We gave the first episode of the first season a go and was addicted immediately. It begins with a family returning to the town they were originally from when the mother gets a job with the company that seems to control the town of Edda. The first episode focuses on the two brothers starting their new school, Magne and Laurits, who were both toddlers when their mother left Edda after the death of their father, ten years earlier. Magne is a blonde chunk of a guy, built like a shithouse rat, while Laurits is much darker haired and has a mischievous look about him and is prone to pranks - we're looking at Thor and Loki here, because Ragnarok is about the return of the Norse Gods for a final conflict with the giants they battled centuries earlier, before Christianity replaced the old religion.
It has some corny dialogue, but it works and the strangeness of the town is conveyed extremely well. Jutul Industries seems to be adding to Norway's very own climate crisis as the town is experiencing warmer winters, cold snaps in summer and generally strange weather and Jutul is a metals and chemical company who are the town's main employers. The head of the company is married to the headmistress of the school the boys go to and their two children are the golden children of said school, both good looking and very snobbish. The first part does a good job of introducing some of the main characters and ends with a completely unexpected death. I'm aware there is a dubbed version, but like the utterly brilliant German sci-fi series Dark this needs to be in Norwegian with subtitles.
The thing I like about this is it isn't hanging around; the second episode spells out what Magne is up against by focusing on the Jutul family who are obviously the 'giants', while the third and fourth episodes really get the story moving along nicely and Magne's transformation into Thor, god of thunder, continues at apace. Vidar Jutul - the head of the family - is starting to do reckless things bringing unwanted attention to the family and Gry - the love interest of the younger Fjor Jutul and Magne - makes some bad decisions.
By the end of the first season it's now clear that Magne is up against a bunch of 'giants' who are slowly killing the town of Edda, possibly the whole of Norway. However our hulking hero has now been told by the woman at the Spar who he is; the next question is are there any more new Gods on the way? Perhaps that last sentence gives you an idea how bonkers but quite brilliant this series is.
The conclusion of season one made me realise something about this Norse God drama - it might be rather excellent TV, but there's not a huge amount of action. This isn't an MCU film, this is a slow burn Scandi drama, fantasy as serious TV, but rather dialogue heavy than resorting to fights and action all the time. It almost feels like a psychological thriller. It isn't really until the concluding moments of season one that we even see what I would regard as proper action and that is handled extremely well.
I do feel that the first series does a very good job of setting the scene and ensuring that Magne (Thor) spends most of it getting accustomed to his new abilities and having everything he wants crushed before him, whether it's by the Jutuls or by his teachers. The almost cliffhanger ending has both of us wanting to start watching season two almost immediately...
Exposing Dark Secrets
Starring Mark Ruffalo, Michael Keaton, Liev Schreiber, John Slattery and Rachel McAdams it follows the Globe's investigative wing Spotlight and its team's work at uncovering the worldwide sex abuse problem that still mires the church today and it all starts with one priest. I should also point out the interesting factoid that the four main stars have all been in superhero films - Ruffalo is the Hulk, Keaton was Batman, Schreiber was Wolverine nemesis Sabretooth and Slattery was Howard Stark; another interesting factoid is McAdams has starred in no fewer than FOUR films about time travel, yet has never actually time travelled. Here they are in a very interesting biopic about uncovering corruption and scandal in the catholic church. It does what it says on the tin; the acting is fine, the pace is excellent and it's a compulsive watch and it's played in a way that leaves the viewer with the sense there are red herrings thrown around to ensure we stay off the scent as long as the investigative reporters. It's an excellent film without ever really feeling like it gets out of second gear.
*Update: Thanks to my pal Mick who reminded me that Rachel McAdams has been in both the Dr Strange movies. I mean, how could I forget that? [I was being rhetorical...]
The Norsegod Cometh
At the start of season two Fjor Jutul basically tells his family he's finished with their evil, destructive ways and quits the family - being told to kill his girlfriend was really the tipping point for him; this causes more of a ruction than you can imagine because it coincides with Magne gaining revenge over Vidar by dumping barrels of toxic waste - with Jutul Industries labels all over them - on the doorstep of the police station, thus exonerating him of all the nasty accusations thrown at him at the end of the first series, which led to his suspension from school and police orders that he needs psychiatric help.
Magne also meets his first fellow God and looks like he's going to lose his brother to Vidar Jutul, because if you know the story of Loki you'll know his true origins. However, as we move through season two things get complicated and there a couple of truly unexpected turn of events as more Gods are recruited and the two 'younger' giants start flip-flopping in their beliefs as ambition drives them harder than simply wanting to destroy the planet. In fact Vidar's relentless lust for destruction makes little logical sense, but, to be fair, there are other things in this series that are logic baffling, but it is fantasy and I can suspend some of my need for common sense and sudden about faces by characters because of that.
As we reach the conclusion of season two the unexpected twists keep coming; there are some truly ludicrous ideas that seem to make sense in this fantastic world creator Adam Price has developed and as Magne discovers that the Gods need a strong leader to stop them from exploiting their powers in the way the giants seemingly flaunted their power for 3000 years, he gets his own lesson in humility and hubris. It's still compelling viewing though and it's the simple fact you don't know where it's going next that makes it so enjoyable. It seems nothing is black and white with gods and giants.
Season two's finale was one of sacrifices and full of Scandi humour - which I haven't really touched on but there's a considerable amount in this series, although it's often used sparingly and sometimes you think it's almost a bit silly, but I'm not an aficionado of Norwegian humour. The finale is really about laying the foundations for the final series, but it also gets a little weird especially with the introduction of the Midgard Serpent, which isn't what you'd expect at all and just adds to the general oddness.
Farewell and Adieu?
We've just about given up with Invasion. Episode two goes back to the kids and Devante, the now former soldier and it's lost its way almost immediately. Plus episode two starts in Wellingborough, declared safe by the WDC. You know you're watching bullshit when that happens - Wellingborough is anything but safe. We're were going to give it one more go and if it doesn't spring into life then it dies a death, but we're not even going to do that, there's far better things out there we haven't watched.
Gods are Monsters
We have all the players in place - on the side of good is Thor, but does he have his army on his side or has he lost their support? Only Wotan (Odin) seems to be rooting for Magne, but that faith is sorely tested. Over on evil's side is Fjor and Ran, possibly Saxa but she, like Loki, seems to have her own agenda and because this show doesn't allow you to second guess it, there's no real idea of knowing. There's also this underlying thing about who's living where; the wife commented that it seems that half the series is about who's sleeping in what house...
With a third of the season down, there's a wedding to attend and a lot of unexpected alliances forming that follow the Norse myths almost to the letter, but there's a growing inconsistency problem with this series and considering it's written by the same writing team it's a concern. When Thor/Magne finally forges his hammer - Mjolnir - in the following episode Saxa says she cannot pick it up. However as the series nears its conclusion it seems everyone is now picking it up and while that only spoils it a little but there are some other logical mistakes and contradictions that seem to have been conveniently forgotten about. However, this might have something to do with the actual story rather than just bad writing, or it might be simply bad writing.
In fact, it all ends up being something of an anti-climax and while I'm thinking I don't want to spoil it for people, my better judgement says I should, because I feel like we were conned by this. I'm still not sure about the ending but the entire thing ended up being something of a damp squib. You know The Sixth Sense and how all the clues were there you just didn't put them all together until the giveaway, but it meant the second time you watched it everything seemed so bleeding obvious? Well, there's a similar subtext to this; however I'll preamble a little bit more before the reveal.
The confrontation between the Norse Gods and the Giants culminated in Magne/Thor telling the Giants - Fjor, Saxa and Ran, that they were outnumbered and would all die, but he has a peaceful conclusion that would suit all of them. So they lay down their weapons and everyone becomes friends and all live happily ever after... but... that was the penultimate episode, something must go wrong or someone must break ranks in the final part surely?
Except the only battle that takes place is in Magne's head. It's during this final part that we see things get even more confusing as the Jutul family become good guys, the Gods all find their true place in life and most importantly Magne graduates from school and it's here at the graduation ceremony that he begins to live Ragnarok in his head; you see that's probably where all of this series took place, in Thor's head and there were plenty of examples and clues throughout the series, it's just we always saw it from his perspective and never wanted to believe he was mentally ill, possibly borderline schizophrenic, but he got better and they did all live happily ever after. In the end it was actually a load of metaphoric bollocks and I felt massively cheated and let down by it; although, to be fair, it's almost logical, especially with all the logical and storyline inconsistencies.
I'd almost suggest watching it and skipping the final episode because it doesn't add anything to the story but it does blow all your conceptions to smithereens.
Diarrhoea of Destiny
Don't get me wrong, the opening 40 minutes is pretty excellent and feels like a proper Indiana Jones film. Much of this is down to the superb special effects which de-age Ford to how he looked when he was making the original films and the genuine feeling that you could have been watching scenes cut from any of those early films.
It's when it fast forwards to 1969 that it starts to fall apart. Our eponymous hero is retiring from his job as a lecturer (at least I think that's what the presentation was about and Ford certainly looks old enough to be retiring) and is discovering that his students are all feckless and stupid and then he runs into his goddaughter Helena, played alarmingly badly by one-note Phoebe Waller-Bridge, daughter of the Toby Jones character seen in the opening scenes as Indy's late WW2 accomplice.
Waller-Bridge is a mean and nasty piece of work, in it for not fame, nor glory but for as much money as she can make and she's in New York (a very convincing Glasgow) to take half of the 'Dial of Destiny' off of our titular hero all the time being tracked by the CIA and the rogue agents all aligned to Mads Mikkelsen's former Nazi. She apparently cares nothing for her father's best friend and her godfather and proves that by leaving him in the lurch where a number of his colleagues are killed for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time and this brings the first bit of illogical plotting... Mikkesen's Schmidt and his cronies don't seem to have a problem killing people, or rather some people, but if they're important to the plot they take them hostage.
What follows is a jaunt around the Mediterranean and a who's who of guest stars from previous Indy films and some we've never seen before and it all feels forced, there's a lack of jeopardy, the baddies continue with their bizarre decision to kill some people and not others and when the Dial is finally found and it becomes clear what it does everything truly falls apart. Helena changes character and becomes all responsible and caring about the godfather she would gladly have sold down the river an hour earlier and it all felt just a little bit anticlimactically rubbish.
It's not a very good film; Harrison Ford is fine, in places he's even quite brilliant; the problem is everyone else especially Waller-Bridge who is just fucking awful and could easily have been Fleabag in it because she appears to have zero range. Mikkelsen's henchmen were all stereotypical and pointless, even featuring Boyd Holbrook who seems to specialise in playing baddies who are wankers. There's a couple of cameos from John Rhys-Davies and Karen Allen, but there's a sense of 'why the fuck?' about both of them and we discover that Shia LaBeouf probably got himself killed in either Korea or more likely Viet Nam, giving Indy a kind of tragic feel. The last 20 minutes was far worse than The Crystal Skull could ever have been and let's hope that's it and they never make another one ever again.
Big Crocs
Lake Placid is a film that wowed the box office in 1999 because it was low budget, relatively short and was quite an entertaining film; it also starred Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Brendan Gleeson, Betty White and Meredith Salenger and watching it for the first time in 24 years it was mildly amusing with probably relatively reasonable state of the art CGI for the era; the problem with the film is that it's a comedy/horror but there's not that many laughs and the horror is funnier than the jokes. It's also very dated in terms of language, sexism and stereotypes and the crocodiles appears to be several different sizes, which might explain why there were so many really poor sequels or it might have been explained by the killing of a second croc towards the end of what was an incredible short film - less than 82 minutes to be exact.
It was fun on a throwaway level but felt like a film that that could have been made in the 1960s because of it's portrayal of women in general and was choc-a-block full of plot inconsistencies and ridiculous set pieces - such as if you've been attacked in your boat once by the giant croc why would you venture out onto the water again and again?
Mercedes Bends
Despite the wife not enjoying Lake Placid at all, one of the brighter moments in the film was the presence of Brendan Gleeson, someone I don't think we've ever seen in anything bad, so his presence in Mr Mercedes should have been a strong indicator that we wouldn't be disappointed. He plays retired detective Bill Hodges, an Irishman who has been in the USA getting on for 50 years and had been on the Bridgetown, Ohio PD for 36 of those years. He was the lead detective on an unsolved crime involving a stolen Mercedes ploughing into and killing 16 people waiting in line at a jobs fayre, but became so obsessed with the crime that it led to his 'forced' retirement. This is never spoken of but it's pretty much inferred an awful lot.
Bill is now bored shitless, drinking too much and has fallen into a sedentary life with only Pete, his giant tortoise, as company and Ida, the woman next door, who wants Bill to become her old age fuck buddy - played by Holland Taylor, who would have been a sprightly 76 when this was originally made and still 12 years older than Gleeson. Instead Bill gets involved with the sister of the woman who owned the Mercedes and she becomes his ... well, he works for her and she's screwing his brains out and this gives him the impetus to clean his act up.
Then Bill's really woken from his stupor by a series of videos sent to his laptop from the Mercedes killer, taunting him about his lifestyle, the amount of weight he's put on, his daughter, even his unknown real first name and Bill knows it the real killer because certain facts about the case were never revealed to the press or public, which this man knows. We're also in on the killer's life as well played by Harry Treadaway - a British actor - portraying a sicko psychopath with a scary aura about him and who is a bit twisted in many more ways than just killing lots of people - we're in Oedipus territory here...
There are lots of other excellent people in the supporting cast, many you will recognise the faces of even if you don't know their names. Oh and just wait until you meet [this version of] Holly Gibney, she'll blow you away. It's not just a crime drama/police procedural and neither is it a 'horror' despite it being originally written and now produced by Stephen King.
I Am Shite
A Book Review
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| A still from the HBO series with Ben Mendelsohn and Jason Bateman |
The Outsider is a Stephen king book I had never read. I think it was because it was unofficially the fourth part of the Bill Hodges Trilogy - three of the four King books I have never read and that kind of put me off, especially as I'm a bit of a continuity OCDer. However glorious weather always sends me to the book case, I love reading in the sun and when it's too hot to do anything else I love reading.
I'll keep this relatively brief. If you've seen The Outsider TV mini-series then the book follows a similar pattern, it is much shorter and less... thorough, although that isn't the right word. There's more in the TV series because it has 10 episodes to fill, but this is compact and bijou; this book is about a thing and only really strays from that path when another thing is linked to it, thanks to the character Holly Gibney, who I'd never read before, because she's in the books I haven't read.
The Outsider is a fucking fabulous book. In fact it's probably one of the top five King books I've ever read. It is quite brilliant and I almost choked up near the end because it's like the man whose career I have followed since the late 1970s got his mojo back.
If you've never seen the Outsider then I urge you to seek it out and immerse yourself in its brilliance. If you've never read The Outsider and are scared that King writes horror novels and you don't like horror novels, this is a police procedural with a difference; this is a 'what if bad things that Stephen King writes about actually happened in real life' story and it's all the better for it. It's a 10/10 book and as far as I'm concerned there are only about four other king novels that are 10/10 books. That's huge praise from someone who owns almost every single one of his books (except two - two of the Bill Hodges Trilogy) mostly in hardcover and many first editions. I'm a fan and I wish I'd read this four years ago so I could bang on to people how bloody great it is.
Next time...
I don't know ... There will be more Mr Mercedes (hopefully, if the wife can put up with another season so quickly after the first) and the new series of Welcome to Wrexham, a few films, one of them might be Barbie and a few from the archives. You'll have to wait and see...
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