Modern Culture - The Joke's On You

This has some hinted at spoilers and some spoilers pertaining to source material, but frankly if my general vagueness gives anything away then you're a lot cleverer than wot I is...

No Uncle Remus

In the film world there's two kinds of Alien movies - good ones and shite ones. For most of Alien: Romulus you have to include it in the first category, even if most of the actors sound like they've walked off the set of Eastenders and there's a sense of inevitability about everything that happens.

However, something goes wrong with this movie in the final quarter, but we'll get to that. Cailee Spaeny, last seen in Civil War and an actor making a name for herself for playing teenagers, despite her 26 years, works on a mining colony planet, with her 'brother' - a simulant played by David Jonsson - and desperately wants to get off. The problem is the company she works for - Weyland-Yutani - likes to move goalposts and after she's worked the requisite amount of hours and files for departure, she's told she needs to work another five years before she's eligible, because of changes to company policy. This forces her to look for an alternate route away from the wet, cold hell hole she's likely to die on, so she teams up with a few friends and decides to salvage fuel from a deserted space station orbiting the planet they're on. The plan is to dock with the station, take the extra fuel that's stored there and leave the mining colony for the Varga system where they can live away from the Weyland-Yutani controlled company that treats them like slaves. Weyland, as you will remember was the name of the company first seen in the first  two Alien films and a recurring nightmare for anyone who has ever encountered them. Everything goes smoothly until the two men and the android get stuck in a chamber where extra fuel is stored. 

From this point on we enter familiar Alien territory - face huggers and many full grown xenomorphs running riot on the derelict station with our crew of young escapees trying to save their own lives. There are some neat twists that do more than nod at the original film, such as a CGI Ian Holm as a version of the character he played in Ridley Scott's original. Some of the dialogue is excellent, not because it's original but because it mimics both the first film and James Cameron's sequel. Then, with 20 minutes left on the clock and in need of an even bigger and better finale, the director Fede Alvarez borrows from the fourth Alien film - Alien: Resurrection - the one with Sigourney Weaver as a super-powered clone of her original self and this film kind of goes off the rails big time because of that. While the homage to the original films works, when it gets into the later stage movies and tries to tip the hat to these it really loses itself especially when there's even a wink towards Prometheus - a film that should be consigned to a hole in the ground. I see what the director was trying to do but I wish he'd simply kept it simple and just paid tribute to Scott and Cameron's films. The problem is, without giving too much away, I think they've used up every method to get rid of aliens, so it felt like they were re-treading old ideas and it didn't work for me.

Storm in a Teacup

If you read the reviews about the new Peacock series Teacup, you will see a pattern. There are those who liked the opening two episodes and those who disliked them and the majority of those who disliked it disliked it because it's on Peacock. That's the kind of logic that has Americans targeting weather forecasters because of hurricanes. I don't know if I've seen that many Peacock (it's a streaming station connected to NBC I believe) shows, but to condemn a series because of the network it's shown on seems a bit... childish. Anyhow, the majority of all the reviews suggest we're in the territory of other TV shows, such as Lost and the show From - which we watched a couple of episodes of a couple of years ago and gave up on it because it just wasn't terribly good (and it's now on its third season, so what do I know?). 

This is based on Robert McCammon's mid-80s sci-fi horror novel called Stinger, which is about an alien, armed with fabulous technology, in pursuit of an escaped galactic criminal, and tracking him to an area of the USA, which he then encases in a kind of force field and everyone inside is potentially going to die. I have never read the book (I read a McCammon book in the 1970s and thought it so badly written I never bothered again) but this appears to be a loose adaptation with a few new twists. Whatever is trapped inside the blue painted line knows that its pursuer knows where it is, but we take a while to even get close to this deduction because most of the first two episodes is taken up with character development of the people who are obviously going to be the main protagonists, that is until a man in a gas mask turns up and draws the blue painted line and then tells the people inside that they must never cross that line. So naturally a dog and then the wife of the man the dog attacked both cross the line with gory and violence awaiting them. I dunno about it; the first two episodes don't do enough to make me want to commit to it, but it wasn't bad. I just hope we're having a mini-series and not an ongoing thing and that we get some explanations for the weird shit that takes place - like animals trying to commit suicide and all the lights, communication and vehicles stopping working. It has some promise, but I'll wait until episodes three and four - which will be reviewed about... now...

Here's the thing; sometimes I ponder rewriting entire reviews because first impressions are not always the best gauge of things. The last thing I expected was another two episodes to fall, but it seems to be a thing at the moment for stations and streaming platforms to drop two at a time for a few weeks before finishing with a weekly schedule. So by the time we finished episode four, we were halfway through the first season and I was thinking considering there's about two hours of this left, we're not going to see a conclusion because while we're starting to get a picture of what's happening, we're no closer to any kind of resolution or understanding of what is going on. Yes, we've worked out that this might be alien in origin and we discover that some people are not villains and others are. It might be a case that the alien being tracked is a good guy and that it seems there are far more people inside this series that know what's going on than the viewer or the two families trapped inside the blue line.

It's all a bit meh, to be honest. I feel bad about this admission especially if you reread the first paragraph of this review. I wanted it to prove to those who disliked it because of the streaming platform that they shouldn't be so prejudiced about the delivery method, but after four parts I'm not really feeling any love for this. Parts three and four introduce us to the antagonist and we discover that there's a kind of Invasion of the Body Snatchers thing going on with both antagonist and protagonist being able to move from different bodies. There's also something going on at a neighbouring farm that looks as though it's a warning of what's going to happen to the crew we're supposed to be invested in. And all the while all of this alien weirdness, animal degloving and blood is going on, the two families back at the ranch appear to still be wrapped up in their own personal lives, despite all this weirdness and death going on. I'm not giving up on it, but equally I'm not holding much hope that in a few weeks time I'll have any inclination to watch a second season, if it happens.  

Cash Strapped

The second half of the sixth season of Brassic has that almost traditional dip in quality - for the last few series at least, the middle few episodes (#3-5), usually rely on slapstick comedy, unrealistic scenarios and are often Vinnie-lite. It's like each seven episode season should really be four 75 minute episodes to include the essential plot bits that are scattered around otherwise throwaway episodes. However, oddly enough, while obviously fillers as we await the usual grand finale and cliffhanger, the Naked Cult episode at least was quite amusing, even if it got a bit silly at the end, while the huge revelation about Carol and Cardy's marriage was a mixture of utterly stupid and quite brilliant, with Tom Hanson (Cardy), who has been in every single episode along with Joe Gilgun, finally being given an opportunity to act and be centre stage, even if it was in slightly tragic circumstances. 

After these came a colossal space filler, giving Aaron Effernan (Ash) the centre stage for the second time in this series. In the Naked cult episode he strutted round stark bollock naked for most of the episode and this time his masculinity and his homosexuality are put to the test, but it all felt like more treading water before the inevitable ending/finale. It is good to have Doctor Chris (Dominic West) back, even if it's obvious that he filmed his few scenes all at the same time and they were cut into later episodes. The finale was everything we've grown to expect from Brassic, except for one thing... I think it was actually the final episode. I think we've seen the last of Brassic. Why? Well, it ends on an actual cliffhanger - playing out a joke that has been long running across the previous five season finales. Vinnie's problems - outside of his own mental health - get sorted. Someone important dies and has two funerals and Vinnie walks out on Doctor Chris, declaring him not very useful. It was touching in places, was full of the usual daftness and all the gang were there, for the last time; even Dylan - after a fashion. Goodbye Brassic, it's been fun.

How To Send Someone Mad

Episode four of The Penguin was all about Sofia Falcone (the quite gorgeous Cristin Milioti) and how she came to be where she is today... It starts with the bits from the end of episode three we didn't see - a revelation that throws the rest of the series and Oz's safety into serious doubt. Then it flashes back to Sofia's work for a mental health charity and how, as the only straight member of the Falcone family she was a rising star in the right circles of Gotham's elite. However it goes wrong for her when she meets up with a journalist who wants to know how come a number of women who work in Falcone clubs have all ended up the same way as Sofia's mother. This leads the female Falcone to begin to realise that something is wrong about her family and her mother's apparent suicide. What follows is nearly an hour of the most fraught and disturbing episode by far, as we discover how Sofia became The Hangman, what an absolute shit her father (Mark Strong) was and what 10 years in Arkham Asylum can do to a lovely free-spirited young woman. This was head and shoulders the best episode so far and The Penguin was in it for about four minutes as we see how he betrayed the woman he was looking after and how, if there's any justice, she should eventually get her revenge - however unlikely that is going to be.

How's Your Father?

The conclusion of the fourth series of Slow Horses felt like slightly unfinished business. It has been, as usual, one of the best things on TV and there are a couple of things that happen, especially in the finale, that will probably have you cheering at the TV while quietly looking at yourself. This season has absolutely whizzed past, but that might be because only one episode is over 45 minutes long. It started with a suicide bomb at a shopping mall in central London and goes down a maze until we discover a few very unexpected things about some of the Slow Horses. If I have to be honest, it's probably been the most ... strange... season so far; not because it wasn't very good, but because there seems to be plots left dangling where they are usually cleared up. Such as what happens to Hugo Weaving's 'cult' leader and what the score with the new First Desk is. It felt like it could have done with an extra episode just to properly fill in some of the vagueness you might be left feeling. Gary Oldman, as usual, is brilliant and Jack Lowden does another sterling job as River, who discovers a family secret that has far reaching repercussions for the whole of MI5. This wasn't the best of the four series so far, but it's still better than most things I will watch.

West Wing Wormhole

At some point in the coming months, the wife and I are going to rewatch The West Wing. We'd been toying with it for a while, but lots of other things get in the way and we're talking about seven seasons and over 150 episodes, but I expect it will be worth it. Ironically, once we decided to watch it again, I discovered The West Wing Channel on the Tube of You and promptly fell down a massive rabbit hole watching a succession of 5 minute clips from all seven seasons. It has simply made my enthusiasm for rewatching it grow.

A Folly

I'm not suggesting I'm some kind of prophet or oracle, but I did say, in these pages, about a year ago that the idea of a Joker sequel being a musical sounded like possibly one of the most ridiculous ideas I've ever heard and a guarantee it fails - especially in the current comic book film market. So, it appears that Joker: Folie à Deux has been a catastrophic failure, with audiences staying away in droves and the film is set for an early release on streaming sites. The movie with Joachim Phoenix reprising his role as Arthur Fleck - the Joker - and Lady Gaga [real name: Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta] as a version of Harley Quinn, was one of the most highly anticipated films of 2024, especially given the success of the first film, but it has been described as 'boring' 'execrable' and has one of the lowest ratings on IMDB for a major comic book film, currently sitting at 5.3 after nearly 75k reviews and ratings. I have to say that when I heard about it, my first thought was 'I don't know if I want to watch that' and now that has changed to 'I don't want to watch that.' 

Time's Arrow

You see, this is where the importance of me NOT spoiling a movie becomes an imperative, because if I tell you much about Caddo Lake I will be spoiling a bloody excellent film for you. Dylan O'Brien plays a guy in his 20s called Paris who is trying to recover from the death of his mother after she drives off of a bridge spanning Caddo Lake. Paris works in the lake, helping clear away debris and junk that has washed up. Meanwhile, Ellie (Eliza Scanlen) is a teenager who constantly fights with her mother (Lauren Ambrose), especially about the mysterious disappearance of her father, but these arguments stop when her step-sister Anna goes missing. While Ellie helps search for her sister, Paris is searching for answers about his mother, but no one wants to give him what he wants. As the two people get closer to discovering the truth, their lives start to become completely entangled without either of them ever meeting... And that is as much as I'm going to tell you. This is a fantastic mystery that I urge you to go into with as little knowledge as you can; if you see it's on, watch it, don't even read anything on IMDB, watch trailers or anything - just watch the film and see if you can work it out as it goes along. Personally, I think it's one of the best films I've seen this year and as a cryptic clue, when you've seen it you will understand why I rate it so highly. It has more twists and turns than a switchback race track and when you do start to realise what is happening you're already totally committed. Fabulous. 

The Hahn Problem

The sixth episode of Agatha All Along was, for 35 of the 42 minutes, the best one so far. However, this was because there was no Kathryn Hahn. Let me try and explain this... The worst thing about Agatha All Along is Agatha. She is just a fucking horrible character and Hahn is an incredibly annoying actor. There's this massive elephant in the room and it's the only thing in this series that was in WandaVision. There's also the fact that Hahn reminds both the wife and I of a woman who lives near us who is really annoying, self-centred and narcissistic, so watching this series just feels a little like having to be stuck in a room with someone we both detest...

This week it was Teen's origin story, as we discover that he was originally William Kaplin, a 13-year-old Jewish boy enjoying his bah-mitzvah and discovering from a fortune teller that something is about to go seriously wrong in his life. Little did anyone expect that the something serious would be him dying in a car crash about ten minutes later. We find out who casts the spell over him making it impossible for him to reveal his true identity, which is what he becomes when young imaginary Billy Maximoff 'possesses' William Kaplin the moment he dies. We then follow Billy as he tries to find out who he is and why. Along the way we meet Evan Peters again - you remember him, he was the guy who Wanda made her brother Pietro, but was also Pietro in the Fox X-Men films (just to muddy already murky waters). We also discover that Billy is now gay (is it that Billy Maximoff is gay and has made William Kaplin also gay or is it the other way around?) and he's also possibly some kind of witch. I mean, whatever he is, it was an entertaining episode until the back story caught up with the series and he broke into Agatha's house, then it just got fucking annoying again. This would have been so much better had they called it something else and never employed Kathryn Hahn again - she's just ghastly.

Not the West Wing

What better way to enjoy a dreich Friday night than to curl up with a warm and comforting film from the 1990s. This West Wing rabbit hole I'm still trying to crawl out of was widened slightly when I was reminded of Aaron Sorkin's first foray into the world of US politics, when he wrote the Rob Reiner movie The American President, a film that pretty much was a test run for the TV series that would come five years later.

Watching this 1995 feature was a little like trying to get two similar illustrations to marry up to each other. The number of West Wing alumni in this was remarkable, including Martin Sheen as the President's chief of staff and Joshua Malina and Anna Deavere Smith in back up roles. There was someone else in it who would return to the White House a few years later, but I was so wrapped up in remembering this excellent film that I didn't keep a scorecard. Michael Douglas plays Andy Shepherd, a widowed POTUS who falls in love with Sydney Wade, a lobbyist, played by Annette Bening and then has to deal with the fall out of him having a relationship with a woman while the prospective Republican candidate (Richard Dreyfuss) spends most of the movie smearing his opponent - so far so pretty realistic. Honestly, this was made in 1995 (probably a year earlier) and even 30 years ago Republicans were just essentially a bunch of lying worthless cunts who will say anything to get elected and know full well that 50% of Americans will believe any bullshit that spews from their gobs.

Obviously, there's more to this than just a love story. it's at times a hilarious comedy; it paints this picture of a President's administration being about the team rather than the man and focuses on climate change 30 fucking years ago, when the USA really should have been doing something about it (and look at us now, with a prospective Republican madman hoping to win the ticket decrying climate change as a myth). If I was handing out ratings for films this would get a solid 8, but on IMDB it sits at 6.8 and that's largely down to anti-Democratic viewers leaving nasty, spiteful and vindictive reviews because they can't differentiate between real life and fiction. We're heading towards one of those crucial moments in history when the USA decides in November whether they want a bright orange Shitler or a black woman as President. There shouldn't even be a contest, really, but I don't know if the world has stopped making stupid, suicidal decisions yet. This film just reminds us that once upon a time we hoped for altruistic nice guys as leaders of the free world.

Next Time...

Shrinking, Teacup, Agatha, The Penguin, and some other stuff, no doubt. I want to watch The Wild Robot because it looks good and still has an 8.4 rating on IMDB even after 75k ratings and there's a couple of other recent films on the FDoD such as Speak No Evil and Bookworm - it all depends on what's out and whether we can fit it in.