Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sing When You're Whinging!

The bride who had to leave her own wedding at St Paul's Cathedral by the side entrance is very right to be a bit pissed off, no one wants their big day spoiled, especially, as she said, by the 'ignorant scum' who have occupied the square in front of Wren's masterpiece. However, tweeting to friends that the protesters were 'ignorant scum' when your father is a extremely wealthy banker and then following up said tweet with the suggestion that these activists are thugs, hooligans and have no idea how the real world works, is a bit thin. She should realise that the protesters absolutely understand how the world works, otherwise they wouldn't have occupied St Paul's...

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According to Tory Eurosceptics, as many as 50% of the population wants us to withdraw from Europe and feel that a referendum is the only way we can end this debate once and for all. Amazing isn't it, we go 40 years without a referendum in this country and a second one is hurtling towards us before the last one has been forgotten about.

The thing is Tory Eurosceptics are going to say anything. They'd argue they all have the biggest cocks in parliament if they thought some nubile wenches (or boys) would sit on them; where as the truth is probably that they are all the size of a pinto bean and last achieved an orgasm with the aid of a house boy at Eton. I'm fully aware that there are a growing number of people in this country that think we need to be out of Europe and away from the threat of having to bail out some 'tin pot democracy' (an expression levelled at Greece, no less). The thing is we're barely in Europe any how; we have always kept out of things we don't like; have vetoed plans that affect us more than we like and have generally wanted to play the game but have never been willing to get totally immersed in it. This is a good thing, shout all you Eurosceptics and possibly it is; but to blame Europe for the state it's in is a bit like the Tory's blaming Labour for everything from the economy to the melting ice caps - it simply isn't accurate.

If you could see my face, I'd say read my lips - World Economic Crisis. Not 'Labour imposed Economic Crisis' or 'It was the Greeks wot did it, guv'nor'. There is a global problem that our government blames the last government for. I'd actually call that pious and egotistical - we're not that important any more to enforce a global financial meltdown, however much we might think we are. But I digress; pulling out of Europe might be a good idea; it obviously wouldn't affect the rich as much as it would the poor and maybe we wouldn't have this unwanted bureaucracy forced on us (which, it should be pointed out, is actually from the imagination of Paul Dacre and his Daily Mail fantasists rather than based on any actual facts - we opt out of so much of EU strategies that I'm sure the weird and wonderful things the Mail claims we'll have to pay are just alarmist tactics from a paper that likes its readers to think Britain is ridiculously close to actually disappearing up Nicholas Sarkozy's arse hole).

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Is it very mild or is it warm today? I'd say it was warm, by the virtue of the fact that I cleaned the duck shed out in a T shirt and a thong and nothing else.

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I think I may have finally made it to the religious blacklist. While sitting here earlier, I saw a swarm of JWs working their way up the street; less than half an hour later, they had passed my house and were working their way back down. We had no call or knock on the door. I am now considering writing a book called 'How To Scare Off God Botherers'.

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I sat and looked at all the DVDs and CDs I have that are full up with TV programmes or films that I thought might be good to watch and have never bothered to even start. Some stuff, like The Wire and a couple of others, may well get an airing, but others are just now taking up room - despite the small dimensions of a CD - and I have to be honest, I've had more than enough time in the last 6 months to sit down and watch them and decide whether I want to finish watching them.

Saying that, I have about 100 CDs with music on that I may never ever listen to. It's an ultimately pointless and futile exercise to collect things and never watch or listen to them. I often joke I'll have lots to do when I finally retire, but frankly if I don't watch or listen to these things soon, it'll have a similar feeling to watching McMillan & Wife in 2011.

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I'm sitting here, at this moment, listening to Fuckwit burp, fart and generally grunt out the front of his house. He must have Tourette's, because if he hasn't he was obviously raised by pigs and that sentence upsets me because I really like pigs...

Fuckwit's partner Fat Lass or whatever it was I called her last time, actually looks like a pig and I know how that makes me sound, but she does! However, instead of snorting, grunting and squeeing, she cackles and sounds like she had most of her brain removed before puberty. Did I mentioned that her stock response to something she doesn't understand is to laugh heartily?

This is a woman who complains to the Incest family (Fuckwit's neighbours on the other side) about the amount of cats - domestic, stray and feral - that live around the gardens, yet continues to put food out for whatever she thinks is going to come into the garden - normally all the cats. Now this you would think is the reason for her complaints, but it isn't. She gets pissed off with Incest Woman because the cats all seem to like her more than Fat Lass - it's that childish.

Jesus H Smith, there are some people on this planet that seriously wouldn't be missed by anyone if they just died or were abducted by aliens.

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Us and the Fishwife Family are on UFW or Urban Fox Watch, after one of Fishwife's chickens was ripped apart in front of their 6 year old. He's a sensitive lad at the best of times and seeing this was slightly traumatic. His 5 year old brother had the best idea, "Can't we just shoot them?" However, Fishwife and his missus were more disturbed by this than the hen death. I suppose I should be grateful that they think their children should be more civilised and not resort to violence, but this is a fox and it ripped their hen to bits; I'm with the 5 year old and I said as much.

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The doc's new drug regime which involves something called Celecoxib seems to be working. The ultra painful areas of my skeleton - back, elbow and shoulders, seems to have abated considerably, even after just four days. It's pretty amazing really, considering it's a drug prescribed for people with arthritis and I haven't got it.

There is, however, a couple of unwanted side effects - indigestion and tremendous wind. The indigestion has eased now, but I'm still farting like a Viz character. I can live with that, even if others can't.

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Unless I'm completely wrong here, as I understand it, Gadaffi G'Duck, if arrested, would have stood trial in Libya for his crimes and if found guilty (Ha!) would have faced execution.

He obviously just got shot by one of his overzealous captors, obviously thinking he would become a legend in his country for his act. However, it seems everyone is up in arms about his death and Human Rights campaigners are asking questions. Sounds to me like the usual bollocks the Human Rights people feel the need to comment on and sour grapes from everyone else because they wanted to be the ones who killed him!

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Heard a great line about Arsenal being bad dog walkers, because they can never hold onto a lead...

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