Saturday, June 02, 2012

2012 - 34

Viral Fun

The thing I have grown to call the Academy Virus has struck again, for the fourth time Christmas. If I hadn't been told by umpteen colleagues that the first year in a school is like being ill with periods of well randomly scattered around, I would have been thinking I've got some malady that is serious.

The thing is the first time I had these symptoms they were awful and it lasted well over two weeks; the second time weighed in at about a week and the third time at about 3 days; so I'm figuring that as I came down with this bug again yesterday, then I should pretty much have beaten it by tomorrow - just in time for half term rather than during it!

Obviously, being a paranoid bugger, I'm figuring that the 9 days I've had off will be one of the reasons for letting me go between June 14 and July 20 - just as my body's built up a tolerance to it - an exception to the rule.

I know one thing though; I need to think about stopping smoking again...

A Bridge Not Far Enough

We finally finished watching The Bridge tonight and, despite a few plot quibbles, it was possibly one of the best things I've watched all year and frankly pisses all over Sarah Lund, her sweaters and The Killing.

Not only was it deliciously complicated (perhaps too complicated for its denouement), but it made me laugh out loud at least three times an episode; the two main protagonists were quite brilliant because of and despite their flaws and it was my turn to spot the killer long before it became obvious (the wife worked out the killer in The Killing after 15 minutes).

Time Shift

The two entries above were written on Thursday night. It is now Saturday morning. I was dead right about the virus. By Friday morning I was feeling better and now, despite a bit of good old fashioned phlegm, I'm thinking I might get a week's holiday un-blighted.

Spirit Salesmen

This has the potential to be classed as really weird...

Here are three random facts:
It would have been my dad's 82nd birthday last Tuesday.
His name is/was Ronald (or Big Ron, but that's not important right now).
He was a big fan of Barbara Streisand.

On Tuesday, I received an email, sent directly to me, with no CC list and therefore it dropped straight into my in-box. I didn't recognise the name or the subject title, but something about it made me not just put it in the spam folder. So I opened it...

It was an advert. It went something like this:
Hello Ronald,
It's been a long time since I've heard from you. I've got a lot of new stock you might be interested in; a selection of rare and imported Barbara Streisand recordings, albums and CDs, etc etc etcetera!
And true enough there was a long list of the Yentl star's back catalogue (at I'm sure reasonable prices). The email advert signed off in a friendly we-know-each-other way and the writer urged
Ronald to get in touch before these deals get snapped up.

I'm more than aware that it was probably just a bit of coincidence, but come on, maybe some hidden trojan might have picked up on the fact that it was my dad's birthday (I did post a status update on FB about it), but I'm not likely to broadcast the fact he was a Streisand fan and he was never known as Ronald - always Ron - but used Ronald on all correspondence! He also never used a computer in his life, in fact, I reckon if you'd asked him in 2003 what an email was he'd probably make some bad joke.

Truly odd.

Let's Talk About the Weather Forecasts

You know, I'm slightly obsessed about the weather (and the irony of this piss poor weather at the start of my holiday - let alone some Diamond Jubilee nonsense - hasn't escaped me), but I've noticed something happening on (say it with plummy tones) the BBC.

The three most prominent weather presenters on our screens at the moment are Matt Taylor (who reminds me of my old boss Darren, but far more twee), Alex Deacon and Carol Kirkwood (who it appears has lost a lot of weight and now fancies herself as a MILF). These three have one thing in common - they're all sickeningly optimistic and positive about even the worst of weather forecasts.

Late on Thursday night, on the BBC News channel, one of my favourite forecasters Phil Avery (who has been relegated to the graveyard shift, presumably because he's a realist) told newscaster Chris Ekin that the prospects for good weather during the long weekend were grim. He wasn't gleeful about it, far from it, but he essentially painted a damp and cold picture.

Over on the main BBC channel, all three of the triumvirate of 'always look on the bright side' presenters were trying to put a less than awful spin on the weekend. It was quite an education in positivity listening to these three grinning fools talking about the fact it is going to be cold, wet, windy and thoroughly un-summer-like in a way that made you think we might get a shower or two and the wind might be a little cool, but other than that all your street parties won't be washed away in a flood of snow and rain!

Phil Avery was 'removed' from our main screens a couple of years ago; he and the brilliant Rob McElwee - the master of the grim weather forecast - were replaced by more 'camera friendly' (read: young, good looking and hopefully eye pleasing) forecasters, who were presumably told that weather forecasters always get the blame for bad weather so try and be as upbeat as you can, while flashing a smile, tits, teeth or a slim waistline.

I've felt the BBC's weather coverage went down the toilet when they introduced the graphics which have confused many people for a long time. I pity anyone with dodgy eyesight if they really want to understand what's going on and I have more pity if you're deaf. In the old days with the familiar symbols and user-friendly graphics, you could tell what was happening without listening to someone being positive about a negative forecast. Now you have a map that signifies rain by a blue splodge and also frost with a blue splodge! Or, if you want to work out if it's sunny or not, you don't get an easily recognisable sun symbol, you get lighter and darker shades?!?

Yeah, it's been there for years now and we should all be used to it; but it's another example of the 'new and improved' thing I ranted about last week!

Striking Resemblance

This is a picture of my former employer Dez Skinn. Below it is a picture by a Thai baker, part of his collection of edible bread bodies and body parts.

You will notice there is a real resemblance between the two and you have to admire the amount of work that gone into the 'bread head' even if it probably was never made to look like the one-time Godfather of British comicbooks. Personally, the second picture is a good representation of how I'd like to see my former tormentor end up, wrapped in clingfilm and baked at 200 degrees!

To see more of this truly gruesome body (tee hee) of work, go here:


So Liz has been queen for 60 years. I am not a rabid Royalist and I'm definitely not a Republican, but I'm pretty adamant that I'm not going to get caught up in all this Jubilee stuff. Yes, it's great for the country; she's been a positive influence for a long time and long may she reign over us and all that; but it isn't my thing. I'm going to treat this weekend like I treat Christmas, as an excuse to do fuck all. If things go the way they're looking, I might celebrate the jubilee by building a snowman or bringing out my Union Jack sowester. One thing is for sure, the bilge pump will probably be used...

  • I have been listening to more North Atlantic Oscillation; but not exclusively. I have sampled Bombay Bicycle Club and found them wanting; I've tried out Beach House and have been pretty much underwhelmed. I have mixed feelings about the new Sigur Ros album and my classical music and instrumental sessions at work have included: Stravinksy, George Gershwin, Vince Guaraldi, Miles Davis and a huge selection of truly awful contemporary classical stuff that I listened to on Last FM (because the network I use struggles with Grooveshark).
  • I need to do some weeding - but the weather is stymieing it.
  • The wife has suggested we start watching The Wire now we've run out of current things to watch. I really want to watch this ground-breaking series, but I've been reluctant to start.
  • I value the opinion of my good friend Will Vigar and I was absolutely gutted when I read his review of Prometheus. Read here:
  • The Dyson appears to be buggered.
  • Off to Pooja tonight for a quick bite to eat and a big bag of samosas - their samosas are pretty much to die for (and go very nicely with a touch of salad).
  • A basement full of crockery.

No comments:

Post a Comment