Thursday, June 21, 2012

The TV Dump (vi)

Carry on Vamping Part 5

Now that I've put Haven to bed, something had to come along and replace it. Quite why I'm still watching True Blood, or Carry on Vamping, is quite beyond me and if the first two episodes of the latest series are anything to go by, even the likeable characters have ridiculous stereotypes of themselves. This is a truly awful bit of crap TV; perhaps it should be Camping not Vamping?

It is poorly scripted soft porn that appears to have run out of ideas, so is resorting to the flashbacks and apparently fleshing out some of the peripheral characters and doing both badly. I think we're down to one half decent character left in this show and I can't even remember her name! The vampire manager of Eric Cartman or whatever his name is. But she's only good because whoever plays her seems to treat everything going on around her like an annoying dream.

There's too much going on, with too few interesting characters, inconsistencies abound and I think the wife is getting to feel the same way. This is piss poor TV and the actors all should know better.

Failing Skies

I hated this show first time and because I'm a twat at times, decided to see if any improvements had happened. The simple answer to that is no, and yes. Perhaps it's because I'm now more familiar with this band of freedom fighters, but it, Falling Skies, seems a little tighter; a little more urgent and there are even some characters who don't appear to have wandered in from a 2012 remake of The Waltons.

However, Noah Wyley is pretty much the most irksome and irritating morally superior self aggrandising c*nt who ever worked in TV and therefore his lead character in this series is someone you actually want to die; even his boys are more interesting than he is. Wyley is a producer, which explains a shitload. Spielberg is also an executive producer and this season has ramped up the special FX a notch; they're now poor instead of shit. The problem is it's a load of cock. It was during the first, scene-setting season, and it's just as fucking retarded now.

Go back and read one of the TV Dump Things from last year and I explain why, but this is like The Walking Dead but considerably worse and most everyone knows what I think about Egg of the Dead. I also get the horrible feeling that there's a slightly L. Ron Hubbard-esque story trying to burst through; like the creator of this series saw Battlefield: Earth and thought, 'Hey, I can do something like that as a cheap TV series'.

But, something happened in episode 2 that made me think. First off, you need to know that episode 2 features a really badly scripted exchange between father and son; some pious acting; a slightly illogical and crappy gung-ho scene; more evidence that they're making it up as they go along; lots of slightly awkward testosterone, an ending you could have sent a carrier pigeon with and it would still have reached us an hour before it happened and quite unexpectedly a couple of scenes that were really quite good and totally out of place: there was an Alien styled 'extraction' scene which made me think David Cronenberg had directed that one shot and some suggestions - albeit slightly fuggled - that the series, however implausible it is as a concept, might be veering off into a slightly odd direction.

That said, it's still the new Haven. True Blood is, I hate to say it, well acted and deliberately hammy; there is a production value about it, that while fucking annoying, makes Falling Skies look as though it was done by ITV circa 1999, which I regard as consistent with every other thing done by ITV throughout its life - shite.

The other problem I have with this series, apart from all the others mentioned here and in blogs passim, is now that I have seen the teaser glimpse of the rest of the season and it's obvious they've sown together the best 60 seconds of the next however many episodes and it looks like it has real potential. So, I should state publicly now that it won't and I will complain about losing a section of my life that I will never get back.

Mitt and Hiss

Good, bleak, sparse, rough and a bit grubby. All words to describe Hit & Miss, the Sky Atlantic drama with the strangely lovely Chloe Sevigny wearing a fake penis and balls and acting like she's been given lots of money and has dialled in her performances. That said, it's pretty good, even if it leaves you feeling slightly soiled at the end of each episode. My one big criticism of it is there are far to many fake cock shots; as an owner of one, it looks wrong; it's a clever likeness of one, but it looks WRONG.

Boo & Hiss

I cannot believe that the final series of Eureka is already 9 into around 20 or so. It's almost half over and I can't remember a series running so fast.

The current series is bonkers, as usual, and incredibly bad - as in pretty awful; but I just love the show and I will miss it because it has always been slightly unique, often very funny, poignant and tragic all at the same time. It has to be noted that it is also full of some of the most repetitive and silly stories ever imagined, but that doesn't matter, the majority of the characters are excellent and could probably do with more exposure - say 2 or 3 more series?

I still believe that the events at the end of series 2 (or was it 3..?) will - have to - play a part in whatever climax they have. I still believe that because they've altered time, they are, ultimately, going to have to fix it (and this is based solely on the theory that the writers are nerds and mostly all of the scientific stuff is theoretically possible and therefore it tends to stick within the laws of physics).

While Eureka is also rubbish TV, it is really really lovable rubbish. 42 minutes of watching the same story, every week, with slightly different characters. It's comfort TV.

Film Round-Up

What I've watched since the last time.
  • John Carter is pooh. 3/10
  • Chronicle is fun. 6/10
  • The Station Agent is quality indie stuff. 8/10
  • Safehouse is relentless and quite good. 5/10
  • Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows was too long, but fun. 6/10
  • Wrath of the Titans shite. 2/10

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