Friday, January 18, 2013

Changing the Gourd

It's snowing. It started a little after 9 this morning and at some point yesterday they were forecasting 6 inches and by 10.30 this morning that had been reassessed to 5 cm. The snow is still falling, but apparently the stuff that's buggered South Wales up isn't even going to reach this part of the country.

Do I sound disappointed? I'm actually quite ambivalent about it. I'm not going anywhere as I am not back at work yet (still coughing up a little blood, chest feels like it's been rasped clean by a carpenter's tool and it would be nice for the headache to go for more than an hour at a time), so watching the world grind to a halt because of freezing water is a worthwhile experience.

Talking to the young Canadians that work at my place, many of them don't remember a time when Canada would succumb to 30 feet snow drifts every year and still manage to function like a sunny, warm spring day, and this was 45 years ago, not five weeks. I would love to see what Scandinavian satirists make of the UK (not Scotland as they do seem to know how to deal) when we get half an inch of the white stuff - it would probably make me cringe, because we are wusses.

Once upon a time, this 'snow event' would have got five minutes at the start of the news, because we didn't have 24 hour rolling news services which need to make more of an issue out of it than necessary and there in lies the rub; this isn't really a 'snow event' this is winter, but because producers have to fill 23 hours of TV a day (the other hour is adverts and links) then we get some windswept reporter, standing next to a crazy mad motorway, in the middle of a blizzard, telling us just how fucking bad it is. Once, we would have looked out the window and gone, "Jesus, it's snowing, let's go back to bed!"

Fuckwit appears to be having one of his ... odd periods again. If you recall, this is a man with one small car and a double car pad in front of his house, who, on the rare occasion, actually parks his car there. He also, I noticed the other day, has one of those 'not quite official' blue badges in the back of his car (which suggests to me that his request for a blue badge was turned down); so he wants people to think he's disabled even if we all know he's a lying sack of shit. I'd love to be able to work out what goes on in his mind, even if I risked insanity as a result, because there often seems to be no rhyme of reason for any of it. The last few days have been a perfect example of this. On Wednesday, he got in his car, took it off the drive and parked it in the spot where I always park my Sedici. He did this at about 2pm and it was there until just after 6pm, when he must have gone and put it back on the drive. Obviously, the wife has been using my car while I've been off - her preference - and she got home from work to find the usual parking spot filled.

The same thing happened yesterday and it got me thinking whether or not it's his weird and slightly autistic way of perhaps punishing me... Think about it; we're the only people it disrupts, or technically we're the only people he disrupts. Yes, it causes problems in a domino effect, but I don't think Fuckwit thinks that broadly. It's like the wife's theory that the four nails in tyres incidents we've had since we've lived her have all been his doing. When I worked at the YOT, I'd ask people, kids, why they committed a specific mindless act of criminal car damage - smashing car mirrors, scratching vehicles, breaking windows, etc, and most of the time I'd get a shrug or an ignorant 'they're insured' comment. Fuckwit is of such a low common denominator in terms of human intelligence, I could seriously see him doing something stupid like that because he thinks its clever or achieving something, negatively. Rational people like us find it almost like an anathema to believe that people, fuckwits, can do senseless things, but I see it all the time. But, hey, I get angry at things I can do nothing about and feel like lashing out. Fortunately I don't, but it's human nature and some of us, who aren't blessed with all their brains working proper like, will prove it.

Anyhow, back to Fuckwit. I had thought he might have found this blog and realised I talk about him a lot, but the reality is it is going to be Fishwife (or more importantly Fishwife's wife or mother-in-law who will eventually find this) who does and if Fuckwit found this, he'd probably think it was an offshoot of ITN or CNN, either that or he can't read. I'd really like to know how two fat and useless unemployed spongers live such a comfortable life (albeit not as comfortable as it used to be, but still good enough to have cars valeted and private gardeners. I'm obviously doing something wrong.

It's 1.15. The snow is still falling, but all main roads are clear. I have watched the road transform over the last  four hours, but in reality there's actually probably been less than a inch fall. The Met Office is now suggesting we might see some substantial snowfall Sunday morning. I'll believe it when I see Fuckwit do a swan dive from the cliffs in Acapulco.

Effercio et Ineptias

  • M is proving to be very interesting - and large - on my A-Z journey of the stuff I have downloaded over the years. The surprising thing is the number of CDs I haven't dumped. I've been pretty much losing 30% of each letter of the alphabet so far and have freed up enormous amounts of space; but M is different. There's been one so far and that was because I had it on an MP3 disc and figured I didn't need it duplicated. The jury is very much out on the following - Mojave 3 (kept one album but the rest might go), Manual (kept one album, the rest is just fucking weird), Marconi Union is a bit dull, and early Mercury Rev is, at times, a bit hard work. The real dilemma lies with a band from the 1980s who are still extant now. My gut feeling is I'm just going to keep one old and one new album and dump the rest, because, frankly I doubt I'll even play the others and would be scared of having the piss taken out of me.
  • The last couple of days have been the first for months where the back garden hasn't been like some Everglades swamp land and that's only because it's frozen rock hard. The bad thing about this spell of less damp weather has been the realisation of the extent of work that I need to do in and around the big shed. My brother offered a workable solution to my shed dilemma recently, but in many ways it's as big a job as the alternative, especially as I really have to spend a lot of time getting the garden up to scratch. I have a huge fire to have; I have move things, I have cut things, I have clear things, I have to treat things and I have to hope that at some point from April on, we get a week to 10 days of dry, preferably sunny, weather, to allow me to do any of it.
  • I now haven't been out of the house for a week, apart from letting the ducks out over the last few.
  • I seem to have gone off coffee. This is a huge concern.
  • Cheats never prosper; just ask the disgraced drug cheat millionaire Lance Armstrong.

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