Drift Would

The wife measured 7½ inches last night... She was really excited!

That's how much snow has fallen in the last few days (at least in our yard). Shows how much I know; I was convinced that we would barely see anything accumulative and the piddly amount we would have would hang around for yonks. I might be right about the latter.

This is so true!

We watched a Winter Watch 1963 Special last night, which was essentially a programme made in March 1963 - presented by a youthful Cliff Michelmore (who is now 93, so you do the maths) - and frankly if 1963 happened again in this country we wouldn't cope. In 1963, most people still had that war time siege mentality and most groceries were seasonal and not flown in from Kenya or Peru. If we had snow like that in the south again, I think the country would just freeze up in a catatonic state and if the phone networks went down... Ha, I'd love to see it. The brother-in-law has always taken the piss out of us for the amount of tinned, dried and 'store cupboard' goods we keep. "We're not going to have a nuclear winter," he would say, when he lived with us. No? For my lunch today I have a healthy lentil soup, of which 50% of the ingredients came from our store cupboard. Who's mad now then Neil?

Taken at 3.30pm on Sunday, another 2 inches fell
until it stopped at about 3am. The road is encrusted!

Despite being off work sick, the school has closed. The bad weather got the better of the powers that be and while the main artery roads are working fine, back streets look like a scene from The Grey but without the wolves or dying Alaskans. I've been out in it already; had to go and collect my certificate from the doc's and when I got back the dogs had locked me out...

I used the analogy - it never snows, it blizzards earlier in the weekend (it's a play on an existing one) and had I not changed the name of this blog I might not have bothered to tell you about it. I woke up on Saturday morning with a stinking cold and then yesterday to add injury to insult, I slipped over in the snow and buggered my back up. I really do feel as though everything has it in for me at the moment. I said to the wife on Friday, "I'm hoping this will be the end of it for a while." Obviously if there is a God I've fucked him off something chronic. At the time of writing I'm waiting for the appointment line to open because developments in the last half an hour have meant that I need to see a doctor sooner rather than later...

I did learn something interesting yesterday; something that might earn me points on Qi. Have you ever noticed why drain covers have never got snow on them? Drive along a snowy road and suddenly there's a couple of black drain covers for no apparent reason. Well, sewers have a their own micro-climates and most sewers are roughly the same temperature as caves, between 6 and 8 degrees, hence why you never see frozen drain lids. Must be all that fermenting shit...

The other thing I learnt yesterday was that if you put ":putnam: :poop:" into a comment on Facebook you get a small gif of Justin Bieber eating shit - honest.

Here's some odd irony: I'm watching a load of tits playing on the roof of the Sexually-Explicit Family's house (Boy, do they need some loft insulation).

I am zeroing in on six months of packing up the fags, which considering the shit I've had to put up with regarding my poor wee chest is pretty good (although I'm pretty sure had I still been smoking I would have been hospitalised at least once in the last six months). The last time I made it to six months, I had a cigarette to celebrate (I am, if nothing else, a complete and utter twat); this time I am going to take the wife out for a Chinese meal. Speaking of celebrations, we have two hurtling towards us at the moment: a family wedding on Friday; one of my 2nd cousins (and the grandson of my God parents) is getting married in Bedford and then the following Monday, the wife will have put up with me for 30 years.

I see lots of funny things on the Internet and sometimes I even think about sharing them. The following picture (to the left) is quite apt really and will probably come true>

Effercio et Ineptias

• Now on O. N was short lived and most got dumped. N doesn't appear to be a good letter to name your band after.
• Superpinkymandy by Beth Orton is as rare as rocking horse shit and really it shouldn't be. It's a sublime album produced by William Orbit and I thoroughly recommend it, pop pickers.
• There's a thaw scheduled for the weekend, whether it's a rapid one or a slow one will decide whether we get floods to follow the snow.
• Bradlaugh Fields was like a winter Glastonbury yesterday; I have never seen so many people and just about everyone was having a good time.
• The car needs new wiper blades again - the cold weather fucks them up, you see.
• Purple spuds are back. They don't seem as versatile as they did in previous years.