Friday, September 02, 2011

Get Out of My F*cking Face

181 songs.
11 hours of music.
Umpteen bands and artists.
2 CDs.

I've spent the last two days compiling the music for the Silver Wedding Anniversary Party on September 10. It has been a lot of fun and ended up being quite hard work. I almost ran out of things to add (hence why there's some shit).

When you have a wife whose music tastes range from filthy dirty grunge to classic pops songs of the early 1970s coupled with a husband whose music tastes can only be described as 'eclectic', putting together mix-CDs that will make us both happy and keep the people attending the party happy is a tough thing. Fortunately, the majority of the people invited will probably appreciate 50% of both CDs, even if some of the stranger stuff might go a little over their heads.

Chicken Pussy by Bongwater anybody? Possibly the weirdest 1 minute 40 seconds you'll ever hear and definitely not something you can dance to. But intermingled with stuff like this are hits from 1982, 1986 and a spread throughout the time we've known each other. Not every song on these discs are my cup of tea, but they're there because they represent specific times in our 25 (28½) years together.

Hey Dude, I've been limited to only a few songs that I'll quite happy nod my head to, while others wonder what the hell they're listening to. As I said to the wife, she can always hit the skip button if it looks like I'm driving people into the duck pond like Wild Horses. I shall be the only person grooving to Teen Angst by M83 and I don't care! What people make of Pudding Time by Primus is anyone's guess, but it rocks like a cunt on speed! If you like Fuck You will you love Gravastar? Is the Killing Joke good party music or would your prefer Florence and the Machine? How about some diddly diddly Waterboys or some Stranglers, singing about Christ just Hangin' Around? I want to invite someone called Stuart, so I can Boogie with Stu while having a Southbound Suarez and trying not to get Trampled Under Foot. It could be Pandemonium, but it could also be time for a Delta Sun Bottleneck Stomp - which is always nice on a September evening. If it's cold you can always Light My Fire, or if you find the music a little too much against your tastes, you can always go Over the Wall, kill yourself so you can go Breaking Into Heaven or go in search of Wynona's Big Brown Beaver - it'll be hiding with all the Bedbugs and Ballyhoo. That's Entertainment!

Ahem...

The long range weather forecast is... dreadful. On September 13, 1986, we got married in bright sunshine, but by 3:00pm it was absolutely tipping it down. We held a big BBQ in 1996 to celebrate 10 years on one of coldest September days ever. The 20th anniversary party was preceded by 12 hours of utterly shitty weather and ten minutes before it started the clouds and rain disappeared (for a few hours at least) and the sun came out to warm everyone - over 60 people - up for a few hours. I'm not expecting balmy, T-shirt weather, but one without the need for galoshes would be nice. If anyone coming believes in God, say a few prayers for us!

Ironically, five years ago, the day after the party was a day like today - gloriously sunny and warm; the kind of weather that doesn't help massive hangovers.

Today I go a pick up a barrel of beer - Kingston Topaz, from the mighty Newby Wyke Brewery in Lincolnshire. I'm hoping it would have settled down by a week tomorrow. Otherwise I'm going to be opening an impromptu public house for a few days in the wake of the party, to ensure that the money isn't wasted!

I've also been planning the food. Had I been working, we would have bought most of it (probably from Pooja in Wellingborough), but as the party has suddenly become something of an exercise in entertaining people for peanuts, I am going to be producing all manner of nibbly goodness later next week. Bhajis, koftas, pakoras and a few things for people who don't like having a sore ring the next morning! I might even have a go at making some hummus - I have all the right ingredients. I have ideas that involve puff pastry; things that people will squint at but still eat because they will taste exquisite (which is also a great Scrabble word) and for the adventurous there's Sloe Vodka, a bottle of finest Mexican Tequila, some wine and whatever the assembled masses bring along. Can you tell I'm getting a little excited?

All I need now is a job to make it a really great day!

***

Speaking of jobs. Agencies are a load of shit. How on Earth do they make any money and why do employers use them? Where are all those Private sector jobs those twats in power promised us six months ago to absorb all the Public sector cuts? There are less jobs in the paper now than there was 6 months ago.

The irons I had in the fire appear to have gone cold...

***

While pal Roger is off at his first full festival for donkeys years and hoping the fine weather stays in Dorset, we've got a weekend jam packed full of stuff with some family visits from people who can't make the party. It'll be good to see some of my family; I don't see enough of them often enough and while it scuppered other plans we had (a friend's birthday party and the Adelaide Beer Festival) we should still have a good weekend.

That's put the mockers on that then!

***

Just to set the record straight; my wife would have been paroled by now if she'd just killed me in 1986 rather than go through 25 years of complete and utter unpredictability; or maybe that's why it worked...

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