Monday, December 06, 2010

Nowhere Again

Rassum frassum mother fudging rah rah rah...

I woke up this morning aching like the proverbial bastard and in a mood that can only be described as not terribly good. I wouldn't have minded the aching had I been shagging like a rabbit or doing copious amounts of exercise at the weekend; but I wasn't and I'm wondering if my fear of exerting myself too much is the root of the majority of my aches and pains. I also know that while the previous statement has some truth in it - I don't need to talk to a doctor or a physiotherapist to have that confirmed - there are obviously other factors involved. My leg - the left one - hasn't been right since the disc prolapsed. The pressure on my sciatic nerve has meant that it feels like all my tendons have shrunk and it isn't helped by the muscle wastage from lack of use. My left leg is excess baggage most of the time; although it is better than it was and I have stopped limping 75% of the time. in fact, I threw the walking stick away!

I must ask my friend Bendy, (who isn't any longer, sadly) because she has the same debilitating problem I have, if she suffers from pains in other joints or just a general feeling of having been dropped out of a very tall building, most of the time...

I think the worst problem has become my left hand. That said, none of the left hand side of my body works particularly well any longer and if this is an indication of what the future holds perhaps I should just kill myself before I bore people to death with tales of my woeful physical prowess. The last 2½ months have been pretty crap even by my standards. Yet, with just 25 days left in 2010, it hasn't been as bad as 2009 or 2008. In fact, 2009 got worse 11 months after it ended with I discovered that yet another good friend of mine from days gone by had died. I've lost count of the amount of people I lost in 2009...

The first 9 months of 2010 were some of the best I've had in ages. The project I was doing for work was extremely successful. I worked with a lot of really, really great people; ranging from the youngsters to the adults all involved in the Generations Together government initiative. I can honestly say that those were some of the happiest months I've ever had in my entire working life and as a result my health seemed to benefit from it. Yeah, I had the usual aches and pains - the ones which would eventually lead to the prolapse - but getting up in the morning was not a chore, it was a pleasure and I doubt I will ever do a job again that had such a positively profound affect on me. It was sad to have to admit, after all the successful outcomes we had, that it wasn't actually the kind of work that my organisation should be doing and in the current financial climate, it is highly unlikely that anyone from any other organisation or department could do it. It was the kind of project that should be statutory for anyone under the age of 18, because even the kids who didn't want to do it ended up loving it and in turn it changed their opinions about older people. I just hope, when I go back to work, that I can muster the same enthusiasm.

Speaking of work; back when I was wrongly diagnosed with spondylitis (not spondylosis - which is completely different); I had to have a medical to determine whether I could continue doing my job. I sailed through it with flying colours and that gave me a real boost - psychologically. I now think because what I have isn't going to go away, that I should maybe have another medical. The main reason is because I have serious doubts as to whether or not I can do my job the way I used to without it impacting on my health or possibly even making me look vulnerable. Now, this could all be to do with me waking up in a foul mood, but I think the truth is that I'm losing confidence in my physical abilities. It's very unusual for me to be this negative...




It has actually gotten foggier since 8:00am this morning and the temperature on the patio is still below freezing. Saturday is beginning to seem like a distant warm spell already... It was quite remarkable that the day we chose for the old pals reunion should end up being an oasis of mild weather in the middle of a cesspool of freezing conditions! I know several born again Christians who would say that God played a hand in it. I'd tell those born again Christians that God is a cunt and so are they for believing in fairy stories...


I really dislike my keyboard...


I am having purple chips for tea. They are not the best chips in the world, but they freak me out enough to make them worthwhile.


The reunion I talked about yesterday was great and I was relieved that an old friend of mine decided not to go. The thing is, she goes to these kind of things, reunions, birthday meals, parties and the like and gets the hump if it doesn't immediately centre around her. In the last 15 years she has repeatedly avoided doing stuff or stormed out of places with the least rational reasons under the sun.

My 10th wedding anniversary was going to be a big friends thing, back in 1996. We invited 15 of our closest friends to join us at the local Indian restaurant, but she cried off using the excuse that a 10th wedding anniversary was a private thing and she wouldn't want to impose... Therefore 13 people turned up and we all had a great night.

The wife's 40th birthday bash was at a Chinese restaurant we all liked, but everything there was wrong, from the food to the service. Gods, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were there and they are people who would moan about water if it was too wet and even they were gobsmacked by this particular person's attitude and attempts to ruin everyone else's good time.

At Roger's birthday meal a few years back, the conversation between her husband and I got onto something she didn't approve of; so at the end of the meal she excused herself and said she was going outside for a cigarette. She promptly went home. We pulled up level with her in the car, she ignored us and went round her friend's house. When she got back, because her friend had gone out - which probably pissed her off even more - she sat upstairs until the laughter and merriment got the better of her and she came down and proceeded to dominate the rest of the evening with stories about her.

At another friend's 40th birthday bash, held at Lings Forum, she seemed to take umbrage at the fact that we couldn't fit her and her husband into the car without her husband sitting in the back or us telling someone else we were giving a lift to, that they couldn't have a lift after all. So she sat as far away from the rest of us as possible and made snide remarks.

At a barbecue in 2007, she sat there growing more and more angry at the fact no one was talking to her and because she could have been with her son who was attending some football presentation. After about an hour she said, "I can't do this any longer" in a loud voice and flounced out of the garden and walked home. no one batted an eyelid; there were a few derogatory remarks and most people commiserated with her husband. Apparently, the son was mortified by his mum's arrival at what was essentially a young persons' do; but then, she did that so often with her children one of them has moved as far away as possible.

I could go on and on and on. But I'll finish with last year's 50th birthday meal for Roger, when after failing to dominate the show again - no one was taking any notice of her moaning and whinging - she ordered something she knew she wouldn't like; didn't eat it and announced to the 10 people at the table that she wouldn't be coming out with us for a meal ever again because she didn't like the kind of food we liked; she didn't think vegetarians were fair to meat eaters because it limited their - the meat eaters' - choices and unless we went to a carvery that had intravenous wine on tap, she wouldn't be joining us. this was greeted by a few nods, a couple of, yeah, whatevers and general ignorance. Everyone at the table had got used to her ability to try and turn everything around to her.

It would be sad if it wasn't so laughable. This is a woman who had systematically missed out on some gloriously great nights because she has either known that she wouldn't be centre of attention or wasn't going to be because it was someone else's night. For many years her husband just went along without her; but he doesn't do that now. After the debacle at Roger's various birthday meals, some wag suggested if she decides to have her own 50th, we should all not bother going. That way, she can entertain herself; much like she has done for the last umpteen years!

I could say she's fat and ugly as well, but that would be being a wee bit too personal (even if she is)...

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