Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Under the Floor Again

Klytus, I'm bored...

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I don't know why Neighbour-Fishwife doesn't just buy himself a megaphone and traipse around the street shouting, "It's been snowing. The council haven't gritted. The roads are bad. Would you like me to SHOUT SOME MORE AT 7.30 in the morning?" Oh yeah, he doesn't need a FUCKING megaphone. Jesus Harry Christ if anyone EVER suggests that I'm loud again I'm going to remove their fucking eyeballs with their own testicles (and if they haven't got testicles then I'll use a rusty spoon)!

I'm sure he thinks he's doing a public service, what with him being a fireman and all, but seriously; you would have to be a mixture of blind, stupid and him to realise that we have had a lot of snow down and the roads are looking a bit white. And then, for some strange reason, he decides to get the shovel out on his patio and for some even stranger reason his shovel on his patio seems to make 500 times more noise than anybody else's. You might think I'm being a tad unreasonable here, after all, he needs to clear the snow away. I would be if he hadn't, after finishing this, piled his equally noisy children into his car and drove off somewhere. If my back wasn't fucked, I would go outside RIGHT NOW and shovel all the snow off of my patio, conservatory and shed roofs and throw it over his side. What with his abnormal children blowing fucking vuvuzelas at 7.45 in the morning and scaring the living crap out of my Ness (not to mention waking me up from a dream that involved Karen Gillan, completely naked and with nothing on her mind apart from pleasuring me)...

Okay, I lied. It was actually an anxiety dream about me having to read 10 things off of a list and failing miserably; but if it had been a dream about Karen Gillan I think I would have killed them all...

Roger said, "It seems we got between 2 and 3 inches [of snow], so Shoesville still got off lightly compared to the rest of the Midlands. Won't stop people saying they can't cope tho' ..."
Oddly enough, the wife returned home after being gone for work for ½ an hour. "The roads are atrocious, there are people driving like complete tossers, I'm going to catch the bus because if some wanker hits that it will win!" She got into work at 10am (she really shouldn't, she has a shocking cough and the beginnings of the flu) and reckons Northampton town centre looks like Alaska, with maybe 20 foot less of snow. Roger, it seems, was right. But I could have saved them all the trouble, because Fishwife was broadcasting this at 7.30 this morning!

Cunt!

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I'm off to the Spinal Injuries Assessment Unit for a 2pm appointment. I'm hoping that whoever I'm seeing will be able to offer me some advice and a possible route out of this debilitating mess. I'd like to be able to have the same amount of feeling below L4 that I had before the contents of my disc spilled out into the knot of wibbly bits called my nerves!

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If you're in Northampton or planning on coming here at all before February, I have to recommend you go to the Queen Adelaide in Kingsthorpe. In February, Paul and Krystyna Barton will be leaving the pub to pursue new ventures elsewhere. They have turned it into one of the best drinking establishments in the county and employed some good and amiable staff, such as Harriet and Billy, who hopefully will stay on after the Barton family have moved on.

I hope the last Christmas they have there will be the best!

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I cannot believe I did two reviews of the year and didn't mention MY FUCKING LOUSY KEYBOARD!!!!

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Can I just say that I really hope my good old mate Simon and his lovely lady Tracey have some good news in 2011. Of all my friends, Simon's lady deserves it and if there is a God he'll ensure that things go right for a change! Hang in there guys!

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