Monday, December 13, 2010

O Tannenbaum

Apart from complaining about the incompatibility of my sausage fingers and this poxy keyboard, my favourite moan tends to be how much I hate winter. I've never been a big fan of the cold and now that my body seems to have readjusted to life without the inhalation of smoke I'm finding the cold weather to be that most faithful of female dogs - a bitch.

The news that this coming weekend heralds a cold snap that could make the last one look subtropical has been greeted in Chez Hall with two reactions: the wife's reticent look of despair as I go off on one every 20 minutes and my own going off on one every 20 minutes reaction. The forecast also suggests that as well as having a subzero Christmas, we're likely to drag this bastard weather all the way into 2011. The wonderfully named Joe Bastardi of the anything but Accuweather site (that's anything but accurate) reckons by the time we hit the festive season we'll see a return to warmer conditions. Let's face it, unless there's a massive shift in the Earth's axis, warm doesn't mean anything until at least April, more like June and then only if we're really lucky.

The warm glow of encouragement comes from Norway of all places. it's currently -15 there, at the time of writing this. On Friday when the UK will be shivering in daytime temperatures of -2 and night time lows of -8 (in this area, I hasten to add; if you're in Scotland or Wales - ha ha ha), then Oslo will be basking in a daytime temp of 0 and a night time one of -2. Either someone at the Met office hasn't bothered to update their Norwegian forecast or there is something resembling less cold weather somewhere in Northern Europe and Joe Bastardi can keep the I at the end of his name! However Rob McElwee of the UK Met Office seems to think that we'll all be doing brass monkey impersonations until January 10th at the earliest.

I'd just like to emphasise that all this fucking horrid weather doesn't do my back any good. I have aching joints where I should have just plain old joints...

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Which leads us nicely to this...

I essentially packed up smoking pot a while ago. Yes, if I was offered some at a party I'd smoke it and at Christmas I sometimes used to treat myself to some; but normally only if I could score any. When you're fast approaching your maiden half century finding people who sell it who are reliable and that you actually know is a bit difficult.

I'm back at work for an hour or so tomorrow and then back properly on Thursday and my biggest fear has been the already oft mentioned fact that in the last four weeks my rehabilitation has not actually shown any signs of progress. If I'm going back to work on Thursday, arguably I could have gone back 4 weeks ago for the improvement that I've seen. My doctor really doesn't want me to go back until I've been assessed by the spinal injuries unit and to be honest if she knew that I'm in as much pain and discomfort as I was the last time I saw her she would not be letting me go back to work - especially with the weather set to turn bitterly cold again.

I have a few friends who suffer from similar problems to me; either spondylosis or a herniated disc or just general arthritic problems (ironically, while I haven't got arthritis, spondylosis is classed as an osteoarthritis... I still haven't quite worked out the semantics of my problem yet). These friends have all been advocating one thing - that I started partaking in the weed again. All of them big up the benefits as an analgesic and as a drug that seems to allow the user the pleasure of it not being a royal pain in the wherever it hurts at that moment in time. My main argument is that, yeah it might be good for my aches and pains, but what about my lungs? Half of them reckon I should smoke it neat - too much of a temptation says I; if I smoke it neat, then I soon fall back into the nicotine related addiction. I am, after all, a recovering nicotine addict. Then eat it says the other 50%. Great idea says I, except I enjoyed smoking it so much how long before I'm tempted into at the least buying some herbal tobacco and leaving myself in the temptation arena again? Plus, it's really good having a wife who doesn't think I smell like a dirty old ashtray!

It hasn't failed to register with me that since packing up rolling my own that the annoying withdrawal things seem to have outweighed the benefits. Who would ever have thought that stopping smoking would have made my skin as dry as as a Rizla or my hair as greasy as a phial of cannabis oil? There is also the 'Um, guys, it's illegal' factor to take into account. I don't live in California (although the climate might help) and I can't see my doctor advocating it for one second, despite her being of West Indian origins. I don't know any one who can get it regularly, nor do I know anyone who, if they could get it, can vouch for the price or the quality. it's not like going to Tesco and getting something past its sell by date. It's not like I can take something back and demand a refund. Well, I could, but I appreciate what little mobility I currently have...

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Right, enough of this piffling nonsense. I'm off to watch the finale of season 5 of Dexter. The best television programme to come out of the USA since the last best television programme to come out of the USA!

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