Sunday, January 09, 2011

Son of Lardzilla

Now, I have nothing against people being overweight. In many cases, it's glandular - honest. Being overweight is now really common. Being morbidly obese is becoming very common in this country. I always thought the word 'morbid' pertained to an unhealthy fascination with the grim or someone who likes looking at unwholesome pictures of death or misery and, if you check dictionaries, it still is. But it also means affected with or inducing disease; therefore morbid obesity becomes a disease. It would appear that being morbidly obese now means you are a sufferer of some strange affliction or disease rather than being addicted to all the pies and every other bugger's.
This is a picture of Paul Mason; who, unfortunately for anyone living in the Look East television region, lives in Ipswich. He is Britain's fattest man. This man cannot walk now because he is so large; he also probably can't find his penis and by extension probably can't find his anus. However, with that many layers of fat he could take a shit and it would probably take a month to surface. Apparently, the large area in the middle is not just a massive bald scrotum, it's part of his leg and this is not a pornographic picture, he is wearing underpants. Unfortunately they were lost at some point during the summer of 2005.
To believe just how wrong this is, look at this: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2011/01/obese-man-sues-government-for-failing-to-help-him.html. If you don't want to read it, in a nutshell (something he probably wouldn't eat as it doesn't have enough calories), Mason is attempting to sue the NHS for failing to take heed of his cries for help as far back as 1996. Presumably, his cries for help included, "Help me, I'm eating too much" and "Help me, I'm stuffing my face with shit 24/7"?
As a newly ex-smoker with the lungs of a much older man, I really feel I should be screaming at the NHS and threatening them with legal action because all the times they tried to help me stop smoking wasn't good enough. Just because I didn't have any fucking willpower was obviously not my excuse and my local GP and NHS trust should have been threatening me with, oh, I dunno, death by removal of lungs or kidnapping my rabbits and forcing them to smoke unless I exhibited more self-control?
There seems to be a point missed by all the recent press coverage which I'd like to highlight if you haven't already worked it out for yourself. Mason, apparently, can't walk. He's so fucking fat that he has to stay in his specially constructed bed with reinforced everything. Therefore, he cannot possibly make his own food. this means that there's some half retarded fuckwit making his food for him; or, if his testimony is true, a fucking army of half retarded fuckwits helping him shovel the contents of a Sainsburys Local into his gob 24/7, 365 days a year and double helpings on National Holidays, his birthday and the day someone finds his arse hole.
What flabbergasts me more than his near 1,000lb frame is the fact that there are people out there feeding his food habit. Why the fuck don't they just stand in front of him and say, "Paul, if you want to eat, you're going to have to go to fridge yourself. You're going to have to cook your own food. You're going to have to peel the 200 weight of spuds to make enough chips to get you through an episode of Eastenders, on your fucking own, you unhealthy bucket of cellulite!" And then they should just walk out and leave him with the knowledge that he could live for seven years on his body fat alone.
The day he manages to drag himself off of his bed and into the kitchen to eat a small Walker's factory's worth of crisps and nuts; the contents of his kitchen should be moved, down the road, at least 100 yards away from him, so that he has to lose even more weight to manage the distance.
I find it brutally offensive that people have been feeding this... thing. Can't they see that there is a food shortage in some countries and that he could probably keep a small town in the Sudan going for a couple of months in steaks and cheap candles?
This is from The Sun, so it might be largely a load of bollocks, http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2692469/70-stone-Brits-tragic-ambition.html but it's worth reading to give you an idea of just how totally offensive this man is and why any government worth their salt will not allow people like this to, ahem, sponge off the State. And don't give me any crap about it being an illness or it's like a form of reverse anorexia; it's just plain and simply wrong and must be costing us more money to feed him in a month than it does to feed us in a year.
If this man sues the NHS and wins, I'm going to sue someone for me being a miserable bastard, because it's obviously someone else's fault!

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